Another teen idol

Talking of David Cassidy, as we were last week, he was on TV this morning to promote a book and a tour.

Sorry girls, but he looks slightly weird and frankly didn't seem too bright. I'd never realised how short he is either! You don't really notice that when you are 12...

Isn't it strange how both Donny and David have popped up with things to promote over here at almost exactly the same time? A coincidence or a cunning marketing ploy?

Work, work, work

Busy day today doing voluntary work...I even had a couple of inspired moments!

Back home to write an email to Son 1's school, to try and arrange a meeting I would rather not go to. Sorry if that all sounds rather cryptic but I can't go into details.

I forgot to mention yesterday that on the way to M&S for birthday cake I called into one of the charity shops to look at the books. I found a paperback copy of this book, which will be a perfect volume to dip into whilst waiting as the boys have therapy appointments. Short excerpts which might lead to the discovery of great writers who are new to me.

Birthday boy

Son 2's birthday today. For some strange autistic reason he doesn't like the word 'birthday', so we were not allowed to sing 'Happy Birthday' or even mention it. He did, however, enjoy his presents and cake!

I rushed off to M&S at lunchtime to buy said cake...a chocolate caterpillar cake is the family favourite. We always do present opening in the evening when Daddy is home too, as he leaves the house early in the morning.

So I am now officially the mother of two teenagers. How scary is that?!

On the up

Around 500 words written on the novel today, as well as another short piece. I'm not sure about the quality of those words, I suspect that when I go back to edit them, I will find that I have done far too much telling and not enough showing so will have to flesh it all out and change the balance. But at least I wrote something, which I needed to do and it is always easier to stay in and work when the weather is grotty.

I'm in a crime and thriller mood at the moment, both in books and TV viewing. I think that this is probably the genre I enjoy best for entertainment. Watching 'Lewis' on TV last night reminded me that there are possibly still some books in Colin Dexter's Inspector Morse series that I haven't read. In fact there are also a number of other writers whose series I used to follow but haven't read recently, so plenty to catch up on one day.

False alarms

Thanks to gentle nagging from Anne and Sue ( thanks girls!), I am not going to set any new formal targets this month. However, I am going to try to catch up with myself before the Easter holiday starts. So, my informal targets for March will be much as before...

A bit of mild excitement today. Son 2 tried to burn down the kitchen whilst making toast this morning. He seems to think that once the bread pops up out of the toaster it has to be put back in again and again. He does this until the bread is black and brittle and the house is full of smoke. Of course this set off the smoke alarm, which totally upset and confused him. Then we had to open all the windows so I froze. All because he sneaked off to make something I had already said he could not have.

This afternoon I took him to a special needs club at a local church and guess what, one of the kids (not him!) set off the fire alarm. The noise was earsplitting and no one knew how to turn it off. Son 2 is very sound sensitive but coped simply because he was listening to a CD and seemed to be able to tune out the alarm. If only we adults had also been able to do that!

Target time

A day late, it's time to review how many of my targets for February were met.

1. OU...still a bit behind on my reading but the assignment is done. OK, I cheated slightly, I asked for and was granted an extension and it was actually completed and posted off today!

2.Novel...well I have written a little more, but not as much as I would have liked.

3.Proper work...some bookkeeping done, lots more to go.

4.Voluntary work...caught up, sort of.

5.Wardrobe clearing...um, no. Though I have bought a few more items to put in it!

Not too bad for a short month which contained a two week half term for Son 2...

Now for the March targets. I will have a think and put them up over the weekend.

Books and Braille

Thanks to dovegreyreader for drawing my attention to the fact that Braille is in danger of becoming obsolete because many blind people are not taught it nowadays. There is an e-petition to the government which UK citizens can sign up to, if you are interested. There is also wonderful testimony on dovegreyreader's blog as to how Braille can transform the lives of blind people. Do read it.

Although Braille might seem a little old fashioned in the digital age, it clearly has a significant place amongst the range of communication aids available. This is a subject I am interested in because Son 2 is nonverbal and communicates with us using a variety of methods...vocalisations, gestures, Makaton, a simple sign language, and printed symbols and pictures. The more methods that are available to help people with challenges to communicate and be able to read and express themselves in writing, the better.

Oh and if you love books and haven't yet discovered dovegreyreader, do take a look at her blog!

Crushes

Ooh, I'm all of a flutter today. After Son 2 had gone to school this morning I switched on the TV for a few minutes and guess who was a guest on GMTV? Donny Osmond, my first ever schoolgirl crush.

Anyone who was young in the early '70s will remember how the girls were divided into two camps, the fans of Donny and the fans of David (Cassidy). Well, we are all grown up now, but I have to say that Donny is still very cute and rather charming. It must be all that Mormon clean living. Anyway it was fun to watch Fiona Phillips going as gooey over him as I probably would!

Apparently he still has legions of loyal fans but what is really scary though, is that he is now a grandfather! Where has the time gone?

Fillings and photocopies

Back to the dentist this morning to have two old and crumbling fillings replaced. My dentist is a very good dentist and a perfectionist, but my teeth do seem to cost me rather a lot of money. At least I didn't have to go to Superdentist!

Back at home I set up my new multifunction printer and got it working without any help from son 1. I then spent the afternoon using it for some of my voluntary work, as I had lots of paperwork to copy urgently.

So another day has passed without any writing time. Now I am off to make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and relax in front of CSI. There's nothing like some crime and gore to entertain me!

No time to write

I'm pulling my hair out over my essay on personality disorders, Hubby is pushing me to get on with his bookkeeping and Son 1 decided to have a crisis today and seems to have rather given up on life.

My copy of Suite Francaise arrived in the post from Amazon and a friend who has just read it wants me to read it soon so we can discuss it. But when will I have time?

Oh and I need to lose weight, I have put on a lot since Son 1 became ill as I am much more confined to home and have frozen my gym membership. Not that I did anything too energetic there, but I did enjoy yoga and swimming. Diet and exercise is needed, along with less chocolate, I fear. It's always the damned chocolate which makes me put on weight. Oh well it's nearly time for my next monthly targets...

Mobile madness

Last weekend son 1 finally decided which new mobile phone he wanted and we ordered it from the website of a well known mobile phone retailer, along with a new sim card, as a package deal. Phone duly arrived on Tuesday, but to Son 1's great disappointment it wouldn't work with the sim card or indeed with his old sim card from a different network. A flurry of emails to customer support did nothing to sort out the issue so I promised to take it back to the retail shop for him yesterday.

Fortunately that particular retailer has three branches in our local shopping area...I have no idea why. Anyway, I decided to go to the newest and least busy branch first. The staff there didn't seem to know what to do about it. By experimentation they found the handset would work with a T-Mobile card rather than the O2 card purchased with it. They suggested I went to the branch up the road as the computer said they had that model in stock, 'but don't tell them we sent you, they hate us'!

I duly went to the branch up the road. It was very crowded but eventually a girl greeter approached me and I explained the problem. She experimented a bit and asked a member of management who couldn't have cared less. He shrugged his shoulders and told me I would have to go to the O2 shop or send it back to the website, he couldn't do anything. I then queued in the O2 shop. The O2 shop assistant experimented and decided that it definitely wouldn't operate on O2 but the O2 card was not faulty, as that would work in her phone, so it was the problem of the first retailer.

Getting very fed up and knowing that son 1 desperately wanted the phone and was not going to be at all happy about further delay, I went to the T-Mobile shop. They experimented, agreed it would work on T-Mobile and said we must have been sent the wrong handset in error. I asked if they could unlock it but they couldn't, although I could go to some dodgy shop around the corner and pay to get it unlocked. I suggested that perhaps it would be easier just to buy a T-Mobile Sim card, as we do have an old O2 enabled phone at home so could use up the credit on the O2 Sim card. The nice T-Mobile girl quite rightly pointed out that I had retail rights and not to give up, even though by then I was tearing my hair out.

I decided to give up and walk round to the charity shops to browse at the books. Just up the road from the charity shops is yet another branch of the retailer whose website had sold us the phone. A couple of times recently I had passed the shop and seen a notice saying that their systems were down, but today it was open and busy. I queued yet again and by luck was served by the manager. He was absolutely charming, called up the order immediately on his computer and said it was no problem to replace it. He then found the right model of phone in the stockroom and got it working on the O2 card, did all the paperwork on the computer and gave me a new receipt.

If only I had gone to that shop first!

Personality disorders

Thank you so much to all of you who posted kind comments or emailed me yesterday.It is lovely to have so many fab friends in cyberspace!

Feeling a bit better today, so managed to not only do the big weekly shop at Tesco but also some studying. I have been granted a 7 day extension on my assignment so I can write it next week and the pressure is off a little. It is about personality disorders so I thought I would provide a topical quiz for you:

You May Be a Bit Borderline...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Well that's what being hormonally challenged does to you!!

But please, if you do try the quiz, don't take it too seriously...

Self pity

I try not to indulge in self pity often. Our family circumstances might not be easy, but I know others are in an even worse position. I try to keep busy and not think about it too hard.

Sometimes, however, it does just hit me. After two weeks of full on caring and juggling during half term, I am exhausted. I have been suffering from frequent hand tremors so have cut down on caffeine. That has helped a little but I suspect it is medication, prescribed by my doctor, which is causing this. My head is woolly but is that the stress or just my hormones?

Yesterday my sister called. There is a big age gap between us and although we get on fine, we are not particularly close. After a long chat she said 'You never have it easy, do you?' which is exactly what a friend had said on the phone just a few weeks ago. I felt like crying.

Then today I was watching 'This Morning' about the lack of support for parents of disabled children and it hit home again. I'm going to spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity and sod the work. Bring on the chocolate!

Jealousy

Having only just discovered the Wife in the North blog, I have been revisiting to catch up on previous posts. I am amazed at some of the vitriolic comments which have been posted on the most recent entries, ever since the Sunday Times exposure at the weekend. It seems that some bloggers are jealous of others whose writing talent leads to success in any way, as the blogs of other writers such as Rachel in North London have also been targeted.

I personally think Wife in the North is a very good blog. It is entertaining to read and well crafted and appears to be quite open in describing the traumas of her uprooted new life. Having myself moved from the depths of the country to the big city many moons ago, I know that such a major change is never going to be easy, and I did it in several stages!

Does the fact that its author used to be a journalist for the Sunday Times matter? Well, being a journalist will have helped develop her writing talent (though writing a book is another matter) and working for the Sunday Times probably led to the publicity of her deal in that paper. I bet she wishes now that she hadn't been exposed, but could just get on with writing her blog and book anonymously. After all she has three children and I have already written on my concerns about guarding the privacy of others.

Although having the right contacts can sometimes be very useful, I am starting to wonder it is quite as important as people have tended to think. After all, nowadays the only people who seem to be guaranteed a lucrative book deal are Z list celebrities. That is perhaps just a reflection of the celebrity cult and the superficial society we live in, where making a quick buck seem to have become more important than hard work and nurturing talent.

Haircut

The highlight of this week so far has been giving Son 1 a haircut today. A number 3 if you really want to know. Son 2 has actually been to a playscheme for the last two days but I have been too knackered to take proper advantage of the relative peace and quiet, even to read. That is what school holidays and half terms do to me.

I should really have been working or studying for my OU course, I am way behind and have another assignment due in next week that I haven't started yet. But family must come first at these times, even if I sometimes have to stop to remind myself of the fact.

Publishing deal

No, not for me. Sadly.

But thanks to the Sunday Times today I have discovered another beautifully written blog, whose author has just landed a deal. Check out 'Wife in the North' here.

My own writing fortunes went in the opposite direction yesterday with the receipt of a rejection letter for a short story written during my course last year. That was not unexpected, but it has now been rejected by the two magazines to which I thought it was best suited, so I may try to rewrite it for another market.

However a trip into town was more fruitful, when a browse of one of the local charity shops unearthed copies of Diaries 1926-1957 by Antonia White and Collected Poems by Elizabeth Jennings, both in excellent condition and costing a total of £1.88! I remember reading Frost in May by Antonia White many years ago and I know she had a troubled life history, so I hope the diaries will be interesting to dip into. I'm not really familiar with Elizabeth Jennings or her poetry but a quick glance at the book in the shop drew me to it.

I've also had a few books purchased on the internet arrive this week and somehow a copy of The Night Watch by Sarah Waters just seemed to fall into my basket while shopping in Tesco on Wednesday. How could that have happened? This book buying obsession is getting out of hand!

Submissions

Oh my God! I have done something I never thought I would do. I have sent off a poem to a website to be considered for publication...

To put this in context you have to understand I am really not a poet. I have studied poetry writing a little but it is still something of a mystery to me...whilst I can tell what works and what doesn't work in prose, my poetry is still very hit and miss.

Soon after finishing my Creative Writing course last year I wrote a very personal poem that I thought was better than most I previously had written. I put it past a few other writers, chopped it around a little and then left it, wondering what to do with it. Until, that is, I discovered the Literary Mama website which seemed like the perfect market try for this particular poem. So it has gone. They can only say no.

I have also sent off a piece to the website Tea, Friends and Chocolate. Anything I write for there is going to be anonymous, but I couldn't miss the chance to plug the website for the lovely Sue!

Visitors

One of the dubious benefits of putting a hit counter on your blog is that you can see how many people visit each day and sometimes where they have come from, if it is not a direct hit.

I'm always fascinated by this. Sometimes it is obvious why a particular day attracts more than the average number of hits...perhaps I have written on something very topical that would show up in search engines or perhaps a new link to my blog has been posted somewhere.

But why did I get 114% more than the average number of first time visitors yesterday? Was it the words torture, rape and murder? The mind boggles!

Failing children

So the UK is accused by UNICEF of failing its children . For anyone who has ever watched the Jeremy Kyle Show, or has personal experience of social services or urban mainstream schooling, this will come as no surprise. Services for children are regulated to an extent never seen before, yet the system continues to fail, badly.

Two particularly horrific stories have hit the news in the last couple of weeks. A disabled preschool child returned to her parents by social services, only to be systematically tortured. A two year old found dead in her own home, her uncle charged with her rape and murder. Sickening.

On a happier note, I received a parcel from Amazon today which included eight books from the Picador Shots series. Tiny little volumes each containing one short story, perfect to slip into a pocket or handbag for a short journey or a waiting room. I'm looking forward to discovering some authors new to me.

A better day today

I wish this virus would decide whether to get really bad or go away completely! At the moment it seems to revisit me about once a week and then clear up as quickly as it came. When I woke up this morning my head and sinuses were clearer and I was no longer sneezing. Surely one dose of paracetamol last night can't have chased it all away?

To improve my mood even further, my Open University assignment finally came back in the post. I was quite pleased with the mark which leaves me in a quandary. Yesterday I had decided that if the mark was bad I would effectively give up on the course...I want to continue reading to the end for what I am learning but I would not worry too much over the assignments and would not attend the final exam, which would automatically fail me.

Not that I want to fail of course, but I have enough stress in my life right now without a subject I am studying primarily for 'fun' causing me even more grief. Ho hum. I guess I will carry on trying hard for now.

Keep your eye on my novel word count, it is still creeping slowly up!

Feeling sick

Not a good day today. I had been feeling a bit rough all weekend but woke up this morning with a head like cotton wool and a stomach that was complaining about something. Not good when I had an important meeting at school at 9am.

The outcome of the meeting was not what I had hoped, so by the time I got home I felt even worse. I am also having problems with my current OU course and am in two minds whether to give it up.

Luckily Hubby had the day off to help out at home so I have been able to spend the afternoon relaxing in front of my computer, feeling fragile. I have started to sneeze ominously and am using copious tissues. Great timing for half term. But at least my wordcount has increased a little!

A success story

A busy and unexceptional weekend has been brightened by very good news today.

The talented Anne Brooke, one of my MySpace friends, has a new book, 'A Dangerous Man' out later this week and it is available right now from the Flame Books website.

Congratulations to Anne, and if you haven't already discovered her blog, do take a look either here or on MySpace. It's one of my must reads every day!

The word count creeps up slowly

I have actually written a little more of the novel today. At the moment I seem to only be able to do a few hundred words at a time, but that is better than nothing.

Although it is half term now, surprisingly I may even get more than usual written because I won't be able to do any of my other work or even go out shopping. I write on my laptop which is currently perched on the coffee table, so whilst the kids are amusing themselves I can try to write. It will probably be rubbish and need a lot of editing later, but just to get more words down at this stage would be good. I also hope to actually do some more reading for fun, as I haven't had much time for that recently

The snow is melting away quite fast now so I will have no excuse not to go to Tesco tomorrow (anyway we are running out of food, teenage boys have huge appetites!)

Let it snow, let it snow. Not.

It has finally stopped here, but we must have had at least three or four inches. The gardens and houses look pretty, but the roads and pavements are becoming treacherous. Hubby did drive to work with few problems, but who knows how it will be later.

My biggest worry in this weather, as you may remember, is always Son 2's journey to school. Today the school bus did not run at all, so I had to keep him home and I have just had a phone call to say that school will also be closed tomorrow. So, no worries about transport. But ( and why is there always a but? ), next week is half term. Added on to the end of half term they have three staff training days in a row, so a one week half term has just turned into a two week half term. Great.

Speaking of snow, the Costa (formerly Whitbread) Book of the Year Award has been won by a snowy covered debut novel, The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penney , for the first time since Kate Atkinson's debut won it in 1995. So maybe there is still some hope for us wannabes!

Blogging

I have been writing this blog for a few months now and following other peoples blogs for longer but I still find it difficult to decide how much personal information to include. Any readers who know me in real life or even have an email friendship with me will know that there is a lot that I don't put into this public domain, mainly out of respect for the privacy of my family and friends. Then again, is putting personal information on a blog read by a tiny number of people each day any worse than offloading on a members-only forum which could potentially have hundreds or even thousands of members?

As a reader, I find those blogs which offer slices of the writer's life, such as petite anglaise, the most entertaining to read. But how vulnerable does even an anonymous blogger become when sharing intimate details and thoughts with other bloggers they have probably never met except online? Does the blogging world (and that of sites like MySpace) encourage false expectations of friendship and loyalty? How much of what is written on blogs is embellished or fictional and does it matter?

The more blogs I read, the less I know the answer.

February targets

Better late than never! It is a short month containing a half term, so I dare not be too ambitious.

1. Complete reading and next assignment for my OU course.

2. Continue trying to write some of novel at least every other day and write regularly on here.

3. Do some catching up on my paid accountancy work (for hubby's business so very flexible, but still...)

4. Try to catch up with the financial part of my voluntary work.

5. Tidy out my wardrobe ( not highest priority but really does need doing...)

Like last month I will report back on my progress. As you can see many of the targets are very similar to last month. Its not that I didn't achieve anything in January, but the same things will inevitably come up time and time again. Perhaps next month I will actually have time to include something fun...?!

French songs

It must be the linguist in me that makes me still fascinated with the way that some languages are more expressive and poetic than others. Why do songs sung in French or Italian somehow sound better than songs in English or German, for example? Apart from the fact that much German popular music is rubbish, that is....

One French song which always send tingles down my spine is 'Ne me quitte pas' by Jacques Brel.There is a much-recorded English version, the words of which bear little resemblance to the original French, but after Googling it one day I found this translation, which is so much closer. It is just a shame that Jacques Brel doesn't exactly meet my fantasy of a romantic Frenchman! OK, I know he was a French-speaking Belgian anyway, but he did live in France...

MySpace

I used to think MySpace was just for teenagers. As part of my parental duties I thought I should investigate further and I discovered that many writers, both published and aspiring, now have pages on the site in the way that established and new musicians do.

I couldn't resist setting up my own page at Christmas, much to the disgust, I think, of Son 1. More recently I have added a music track and today, a new layout theme. I am getting more and more into the whole thing!

I also discovered today that a talented new band called AMO, two-thirds of which are the daughter and husband of a friend, are also on MySpace. Go check them out!

Saturday tutorial

I've been into London today for the second tutorial on my current OU course. One and a half hours on personality disorders, which is quite complicated stuff.

The journey there involves two changes of tube train. One of these is at Bond Street which is the station I used to go to every day when I worked in the West End almost twenty years ago. I was on such autopilot this morning that I ended up actually exiting the station instead of changing lines and had to go straight back in! As a result I got to the LSE where the tutorial was being held with just a couple of minutes to spare..

I went to Oxford Street afterwards to do a little shopping and have a coffee and sandwich before heading homewards and then stopping off at our local shopping centre for more odds and ends.

Home by five and then out for a brisk walk with Son 1 so now I'm tired, but actually quite relaxed after a day out.

How did I do?

Time to revisit my targets for January:

1.OU assignment...done, still awaiting the result.

2.Tax return...done (couldn't afford the fine if I didn't!)

3.Voluntary work...have done quite a lot but not necessarily what I set out to do!

4.Novel writing...prologue and chapter one finished, chapter two started. Not as much as I'd hoped but better than nothing. Also first 1000 words edited thoroughly and sent off to a competition.

5.Wardrobe tidying... not even started. Oh dear.

Not too bad though. Now I must set my targets for February. I'll have a think and try to post them up tomorrow.

My virus never developed into anything too much, so perhaps it was just the tail end of a tummy bug we have all had. I'm glad as I'm actually going out to dinner this evening, a ladies night out (I would say girls, but some of those going are definitely no longer girls!) with a special needs support group I attend.

Today I also had my six monthly check at the dentist and of course, he found a very old filling that needs replacing. He has to make money somehow! But it is not desperately urgent so I am leaving it until after half term.

I finished 'Something Beginning With' by Sarah Salway a couple of days ago. I enjoyed it...a quick and easy read, but well written in prose which conveys hidden depths beneath a seemingly superficial surface.

Got a virus

Me that is. Not the computer. I hope.

Started the day off feeling fairly OK, just a hint of a cold on the way. I decided to go to the office to do some voluntary work catch-up as that is one of my targets for the month that I haven't done too well on.

I got in fairly early and the office was quiet, so it looked promising, but by the time I'd taken messages off the voice mail, made a call and had a chat about support groups with someone from another group working in the same centre, time was already getting on. Then one of my colleagues came in and I needed to do something with her. By that time I was starting to feel lightheaded so I decided to cut my losses as I had to go to Tesco anyway. After all I am not paid for this work and sometimes frankly it seems more hassle than it is worth.

I thought I would feel better once I had arrived home and had some late lunch, but to be honest I don't. I tried to write a bit more of the novel but my fingers weren't working too well on the keyboard.

I give up for today.

Taking responsibility

So Shilpa Shetty won Celebrity Big Brother and from the little I watched, it was a well deserved win. Her dignity stood out against behaviour of some of the others, who hopefully will have learnt something from the experience. If nothing else perhaps they will come to understand that their thoughts, words and actions can have huge impact on others and they have to take responsibility for that. It will be interesting to see where the careers of Jade, Danielle and Jo go from here, but I suspect Shilpa will do well.

I finally stopped procrastinating today and sent off my entry to the Daily Telegraph Novel in a Year competition. No big prizes to be won, but hey, I'd written over 1000 words anyway, so editing that and knocking out a concise synopsis was not too hard. Having done that, hopefully I will now be able to get my brain into gear to carry on writing the rest!

Another reason I love the web

Sadly I don't get out as much as I would like to for a variety of reasons, some of which are probably obvious to returning readers. ( Yes, there are some. I'm amazed.) I still see and talk to my friends of course, but the internet has opened so many other opportunities, the chance to get to know people all over the country, indeed all over the world, who have similar interests and concerns.

There is a lot of information out there for budding writers as well as online forums, some of which are listed in my links. But if you happen to be the parent of a child with any sort of special needs living in the UK, could I point you towards Special Kids in the UK which has a wonderful community feel and a members only forum where parents can vent. I have been a member of this parent-led group since its early days as a Yahoo group and have watched it grow into a national charity offering so much more than just information and a forum to its members. A safe haven, a family, the chance to meet others in person, the chance to just be yourself with other who understand. A support group which, unlike many, is UK based and understands the ins and outs of the UK health and education systems. Long live parent power!

The internet

I love the internet. When I was younger I loved libraries and really wanted to be a librarian, but in the end didn't go down that route. But being online is as good as having access to many libraries at once, as well as shopping malls of course. I love the way that one website or blog can lead to another to another and along the way you can make fascinating discoveries.

I'll give you an example. I am currently reading a book called 'Something Beginning With' by Sarah Salway. I had never heard of either the book or the author until I recently saw it mentioned in a post on Trashionista and thought it sounded interesting. I went online to purchase it. After I started reading, I was browsing on dovegreyreader's blog and saw a link to a blog by Sarah Salway,which I found contains lots of great writers prompts.

So from one small mention on Trashionista, I have discovered a book I am really enjoying, a writer new to me and a fascinating blog. I have also just ordered a book of short stories by the same author as I am currently trying to master that form myself. All because of the internet.

Virginia Woolf

I've always known that I shared my birthday with the Scottish poet Burns. But today, thanks to dovegreyreader, I have discovered that I also share it with Virginia Woolf, who was born 125 years ago. I really must tackle that large volume of the works of Virginia Woolf which I bought last year, as well as her writer's diary. I have to confess to having read very little by her and what I have tried I have not found particularly easy, but I'm going to take a fresh look and perhaps do so with the help of Susan Hill's 'Woolf for Dummies' blog posts.

But that can wait, I'm off to have some birthday cake!

The joys of parenting

Sometimes, as a parent, you have to take a leap of faith. The first time you leave your child at nursery or school and the guilt as you help to hold them down to be anaesthetized for surgery, are days which will be etched in your memory for all the wrong reasons.

For me today is one of those days, because it snowed last night. Not a lot...about an inch of snow, if that, had settled this morning. But I hate having to put my autistic, learning disabled, nonverbal son on to the school bus in this weather. I worry all day about not only his journey there but also the journey back this evening. Yes, I know that sounds feeble...he has to travel just 12 miles, through two London boroughs, largely on busy roads. But anyone who remembers how snow brought chaos to London in 2003 (was it really that long ago?!) will understand why.

As I write the snow is melting away from the roads and pavements, but I won't be able to relax until the bus arrives back this evening. Then of course the roads may be perilously icy tomorrow morning, if the weather forecast is correct. Why can't this country deal with snow and ice as they do in Europe and North America?

P.S. He didn't get to school until 9.30am (should have been 9.00am) but was home at normal time, with the bus driver and escort looking much happier than they did this morning!

This and that

I've been sitting in front of my computer all day but have achieved very little. Perhaps it is because I feel cold, despite the heating being on. Perhaps it is because one of the kids had me up at 3.30am and I didn't sleep well after that. Perhaps I have just reached a temporary block in my writing...

Well I have done something. I have researched an alternative educational venue for Son 1 when he is well enough to return to the fray. I have had a nice hot bath to try to relax. I have sent a few emails and made a purchase on eBay. I have committed a bit more about my main characters and plot structure onto paper rather than relying on it all being in my head. I have started to research an important part of the plot further, I have decided at what point of the book the pivotal scenes should fall and I have even increased my wordcount by 0.2%!

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I have edited the first 1000 words yet again and polished my synopsis as I intend to enter the Daily Telegraph Novel in a Year competition.

But I haven't finished the ironing...

A difficult weekend

Son 1 continued his two steps forward then a big one backwards rate of progress, with a major setback yesterday. He is OK and I won't to go into detail, but it is a shame that his therapist is away until Friday.

Spent yesterday in town replenishing my makeup bag and hair products using the vouchers currently being offered in Boots. I spend one voucher then get another! Well even an old bag like me can go for girly things sometimes...

TV watching today... the Jade Goody racism story of course, but also the beached cargo ship because Sidmouth is an area we know well. It is also craft day on one of the shopping channels which I watched while ironing...I love crafts but just wish I had more time to be creative, so I watch to get ideas rather than spend money.

The sandwich generation

I suppose I am in danger of becoming a member of what is often called the sandwich generation, those who are caught in the middle having to care for both their own children and ageing parents. Not that my own parents need care yet, but if and when that does happen they are 200 miles away. In the meantime mother-in-law, who cares for an almost 90 year old second husband with severe health problems, is herself developing fast progressing Alzheimers and lives on the south coast.

Then of course both my own children require a lot of care at the moment and Son 2, who is severely autistic, will for the rest of his life. So perhaps it is not surprising that our thoughts have been turning to future possible care needs. I am very tempted to get on my soapbox about carers' issues and the failings of the care system in general, but this is really not meant to be a political blog. Instead I will just point you towards a few facts and reports and leave them to speak for themselves.

Read this and this and then consider the rate of carers allowance paid by the government and the requirements and restrictions imposed on its receipt.

Carers really are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It must be the weather.....

I had lots of plans today to be busy and do some Good Deeds for my voluntary charity work (in other words spend a day trying to catch up with financial records in the office). But then the last piece of info needed for my tax return arrived in the post this morning and once I had looked at the storm outside I decided I would be better off to stay in and finally stop procrastinating over the form. So another one of my January targets has been met.

I have had one eye on the TV news about the Channel 4 Celebrity Big Brother racism row. I have only seen about 5 minutes of the series so I couldn't possibly comment on whether it is racism, class differences or just plain girly bitchiness and ignorance. It all leaves a very nasty taste in the mouth though, even for those of us not watching the series. I'm sure many bloggers and commentators will have their say, as Jane Henry and Danuta Keen already have.

My novel word count is creeping VERY slowly upwards, but I'm glad I didn't join in the novel race, I would feel very inadequate alongside the likes of Kate Harrison!

A busy day

A voluntary work committee meeting last night at the home of an Indian friend who fed us all with delicious chickpea masala, rice and naan bread. We didn't get down to the formal business until half way through the evening so it was late when I got home. She even gave me some yummy curry and rice to bring back which Son 2 has enjoyed this evening.

Today has been strangely frustrating, with lots of things to do and all sorts of arrangements going slightly wrong. Yet another visit to the dentists, the ordinary one this time not superdentist, for my regular appointment with the hygienist. I really like my dental hygienist, we always have a good gossip before during and after the scrape and polish, as she has a boy the same age as Son 1.

Another voluntary meeting early this afternoon about funding opportunities and the complexities of working with local government and the NHS. I had to leave early as Son 1 had a therapy appointment at 3pm. Got home to find Hubby already back (he had been on a business trip) so I wasn't really needed and then the therapist forgot to come anyway and phoned with a grovelling apology just before clocking off time. Ho hum.

Have written a small amount more on the novel and will try to get back to it later this evening if I can.

London bombers who failed

The trial of the 21/7 bombing suspects, which started in London this week, has reminded me to draw your attention to the blog by Rachel from North London which I have recently added to my links.

I first came across Rachel North's writing in the immediate aftermath of the 7/7 bombings in 2005, when her moving and measured blog descriptions of the experience of being a victim of the bombers were picked up by the BBC web news and for me became a 'must read'. Then I read her piece in the Sunday Times. I only found this newer blog quite recently when searching for something else. Attracted by the title, as in all my years in London I have only lived north of the river, I found it was by the same writer. I will be interested to see what she ultimately has to say about the current legal proceedings once they have finished.

Although nobody I know was actually a physical victim of the 7/7 bombings, most Londoners know of at least one person who was in the vicinity and could so easily have been caught up in it all (in my case two... a friend and a neighbour) and the psychological effects were felt by everyone. Hubby works not too far from Kings Cross, though rarely travels by tube, and that day I received phone calls from both an estranged family member and an old friend who had himself been bereaved six months earlier, just to check he was not involved. Meanwhile I was watching it all unfold on the TV news, the terror attack that we had anticipated since 9/11 had finally arrived and for a few hours the city was incapacitated. To know that had things gone differently it could all have happened again on 21/7 is chilling.

Tax return blues

Since I am technically still a Chartered Accountant you wouldn't think a fairly straightforward tax return should hold too many fears for me. But I hate doing it and yes, on at least one occasion I have made a mistake in calculating my tax. True to form I have left it to the very last minute and then spent the morning chasing my bank for info, downloading extra sections of the return from the internet and thinking about what else I might have forgotten. Tomorrow I shall have to rush into town to get some building society books updated and then when the bank info arrives maybe I can do force myself to fill the form in. Oh what joy!

Haven't had time to write any more of the novel over the weekend though I did edit what I have done so far. I think I am the sort of writer who writes sections then likes to edit, rather than rushing straight through a first draft. Once I get writing the words and ideas can flow very well some days but on others I'm more in the mood for nitpicking and fiddling with my text. I suspect that comes from having very much enjoyed translation work when I studied languages at university.

Chick lit in The Times

For years we have read the Times every day, a compromise on marriage between an occasional Guardian reader (me) and a die hard Thatcherite (him, though he has since recovered). The books section, to be honest, tends to be rather dry and I prefer the Review section of the Guardian.

Imagine my surprise when I opened it up this morning and found a two page spread on how to write chick lit, with quotes from writers and a substantial excerpt from 'See Jane Write', the very book I picked up from the Oxfam shop on Tuesday!

To be fair, I am still not intending to write chick lit, I'm much more interested in fiction for a slightly older market ( hen lit perhaps?), but I do think you can pick up tips from all sorts of these 'how to' books as you find your way towards establishing your own voice and themes. At the end of the day I don't think the 'rules' for good writing really change, it is just the way that they are applied in any particular genre and of course the skill of the writer.

Magazine stories

Browsing through magazines in Tesco this morning I noticed that Good Housekeeping had an 8 page fiction special, so I put it in my trolley. After packing my shopping away at home, I sat down to read it over lunch and found a short story by Maggie O'Farrell, who you may remember is one of my favourite authors. An unusual and moving story about an intense emotional experience, written in the second person. It appears that the magazine is bringing back the monthly short story, though apparently only commissioned pieces. I seem to remember that they also used to have an annual short story competition so I wonder if that will be resurrected too?

I am still waiting to hear from My Weekly about the story I submitted. I am expecting another rejection but I do think that was the best story I have yet written and I hope I will eventually find a home for it. In the meantime I really ought to be trying to write some more. I have a clear psychological failing, which probably comes from lack of confidence in my own ability, meaning that I like to know the fate of my last piece of work (whether an academic essay or a piece of writing) before I can move on to the next. That is hardly the best way for a writer to work and as I am trying to take this writing game much more seriously now, I need to change my way of thinking, soon!

Essay writing again

Lots of paperwork today. I not only finished writing my OU essay but got it into the post, before I could start changing it too much! It's funny how some days I just can't get into academic mode but on other days the concepts flow easily. Just like any sort of writing I suppose. So, one of my targets for this month has been met. I also wote a few more words of the novel, but at the moment I am working a bit more on plannning and structure rather than actual prose.

Talking of writing, in the Oxfam bookshop I visited in the West End on Tuesday, I managed to pick up a copy of Stephen King's 'On Writing', which was recommended by many of my fellow OU writing students last year and also a copy of this. Oh and if you want more tuition from popular American authors, Kate Harrison recently drew attention on her blog to this year long workshop by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer.

Superdentist

So yesterday I went back to Harley Street to have my root canal work done by the specialist (who I have started referring to as superdentist). For those of you who may have missed the start of this story, it is here and here.

The consulting room is very high-tech and the equipment mainly computerised...and to think I had considered my regular dentist quite modern! Anyway, superdentist gave me a computer dosed anaesthetic, put in a prop to keep my mouth open and got ready to work. I did a bit of deep yoga breathing, watched some of the action on a tiny screen in front of me and nearly two hours later, when he asked me how it had been, all I could say was 'quite relaxing really....', even though I did feel a little lightheaded when I got up. Well any time away from the kids is relaxing, isn't it? It probably also helped that the tooth he was working on was already dead before he started!

Afterwards I wandered down to Oxford Street, via the Oxfam bookshop of course, where once again I found some interesting books. I went into Selfridges, which I hadn't visited for ages. I love that store, it is so much how the other half lives, with all the designer accessories and trendy cosmetic ranges which can be hard to find. It reminds me of when I used to work in the West End and would pop in there, if it was late night shopping, after having had a bad day.

Then, as my mouth was fully back to life, I went off to have a hot chocolate and a croissant before getting the tube home.

Trainers, rain and timewasting

Spent most of the day dealing with niggling domestic issues, like why did the repairman from Comet come to the house to mend a TV which we had already taken back to the store because it never worked?

Then there was the trainers saga. Son 2 is very fussy about shoes. He also destroys them on a regular basis. So we don't spend too much on them...trainers from Woolworths actually fit him well because they are usually wide, like his feet. This morning, while getting him ready for school I noticed a hole in the bottom of his trainers. He refused to wear his spare pair so had to go as he was. I asked Hubby to look in the Woolies by his office for a new pair. But it is incredibly hard to find velcro fastening trainers in size 4 and son 2 can't cope with laces due to his disability. No success. So I had to go out hunting myself in the rain. By a stroke of luck I found some, but they were in a store next to a charity shop and of course one thing led to another and I came home with even more books! By the time I had finished all my chores and shopping it was nearly time for Son 2 to return from school, so no essay writing, no novel writing, no tax return done....

A quiet(ish) weekend

Just the usual really. Shopping, kids, too much time wasted on the internet, no time to write....

In the news

I'm not really a strongly political person and this certainly isn't a political blog, but from time to time something hits the news which really makes me think hard. The story of Ashley X is such an item.

One of my first thoughts was that I could imagine this as the plot of a future Jodi Picoult novel. I don't have first hand experience of caring for a child as severely disabled as Ashley, who her parents call 'pillow angel', but I do know the psychological and physical strain of having to look after a child who needs constant attention and this will actually be one of the central themes of the novel I am writing. As parents we all have to take difficult decisions and I would not wish to criticize the choices of any other family, as only they know how they have to live. But I am very much on the fence about this one.

Ashley's parents are adamant that they have done this to improve her future quality of life, but in doing so they have almost certainly improved their own too. Sadly the best interests of child and parents do not always coincide and I wonder what representation Ashley had in the decision making process towards invasive surgery and hormone treatment, ie was there an advocate arguing the other side of the case? There is also a niggly fear that this case is giving out a strong message that disabled children are cuter and more socially acceptable than disabled adults, but when Ashley is grown up will she still be treated like a child because of her size, and how will that affect her dignity in the eyes of others? Is her cognitive ability actually as low as has been suggested and how can they be sure? Could treatments of this nature be misused by others in the future? So many questions, no real answers.

Ashley's parents have a blog here and there are links to responses by other parents on India Knight's blog.

Essay writing

No fun novel writing today. Back to my Open University course on mental health and specifically the assessment due in next week. I have asked for and been granted an extension on account of my caring responsibilities over the school holiday but I do need to get it in the post next week, otherwise I will get behind.

My recent OU courses have all been creative writing, apart from a short one on computer research, and not really like studying at all. Its actually been 6 years (or is it 7 now?) since I did an academic course which required me to write an essay and I am finding it hard to get back into that mode. To make it worse this course actually has an exam at the end, something to look forward to in July, not.

Anyway, about half the essay is written and it is actually an interesting subject but I am already starting to wonder if I will stay the course ( sorry for the pun).....

Back into the groove

Son 2 was back to school today and I was able to start to get back to normality ( or rather, to what passes for normality in this house). So after son 1's therapist had left I got my act together and headed for the shops.

First stop was the nearby 'village' suburb where there are SIX charity shops, including several that have good book sections. The pretext for going was actually to try to hunt down a video which son 2 destroyed last week and which didn't belong to us. But my book buying obsession got the better of me, yet again. Keris recommended Elizabeth Berg to me last week and I found a volume containing two of her works (Joy School and Until the Real Thing Comes Along). Two for the price of one can't be bad, especially as it only cost 99p. It will join my book mountain. Actually I probably have enough books here to keep me in reading matter until I die and I have no space left to shelve them , so they are cluttering the house stored in cardboard boxes. Ho hum.

Went on to Tesco, bumped into an old friend, called briefly into the children's centre where my voluntary work is based and then home. Even managed to write three hundred words more of the novel. It always takes me a day or two to get back into the routine when son 2 returns to school as his care is so full-on during holiday times.

Oh and we watched the last half hour or so of 'This Life +10' last night. We used to love the original series but somehow the sequel didn't work for us. Perhaps it would have seemed better if we had seen the whole thing, as we probably lost some of the nuances, but I was left with the feeling that it was a piece of its time which perhaps should have just been left with its cult status intact. Maybe it is just another sign that I am getting old. After all we also used to love 'Thirtysomething' back in the late 80's. That is currently being re-run on one of our cable channels and it looks sooo dated!!!

Novel writing race

Kate Harrison and Lucy Diamond are organising a race to produce a first draft of a novel and inviting other bloggers to join in. I was very tempted to do so, but bearing in mind my other commitments and my stress levels right now I don't want to put myself under that sort of pressure. I will watch from the sidelines and cheer them all on.

However, I did think that to cheat and put a wordcount meter on my blog anyway might be a good idea, to motivate myself rather than be competitive. I have also set up another blog with a very brief synopsis and excerpts from the work so far. I'm not going public with it at the moment but if anyone does want to see it let me know via the comments. I will possibly post a link later when I have written a bit more!

New year, new organised me?

Happy New Year! I hope you are all partied out? We had a quiet one, at home, in keeping with our relaxing Christmas this year. We did manage to stay awake to midnight, however, by watching Jools Holland on TV (was Amy Winehouse on something??)

I have been thinking about New Year Resolutions and have decided not to make any this year. This is simply because every year I say very blithely that I will lose weight, give up chocolate, spend less, do more housework or something equally boring which I know I will have forgotten about by the end of January. Life also has a habit of getting in the way, big time, whenever I start on a new self-improvement plan.

This year I am just going to make a realistic monthly list of targets, which I hope will seem a little more manageable.

So here is my list for January, in order of urgency:

1. Write my Open University assignment ( due in on 10th but I have been granted an extension...)

2. Do my tax return

3. Get up to date on some of my voluntary work tasks, as I have fallen behind

4. Write some more of my fledgling novel ( or indeed write more of anything)

5. Tidy out my wardrobe and send unwanted stuff off to the charity shop.

I'll report back at the end of the month...

Chick lit (2)

I'm sorry if I sounded rather judgemental about chick lit as a genre yesterday. To be honest I could have written something equally dismissive about literary fiction, in fact most of the books I have ever failed to finish have been so-called literary offerings.I am not a literary snob, I just like well-written books with a good storyline and characters I can relate to. Of course such books can be found in any genre, as can trash.

Not that I am old, of course, but my own 'chick' days were during my mid 20's in the Margaret Thatcher era....I worked in the City at the time of endless champagne lunches and later in the West End,so I was also no stranger to designer stores and media types. But I tired of the shallowness of that life and, after some ill health, changed to a job which didn't involve commuting.

Most of my 30's passed in a blur. Within a few months I lost my well-paid local job as the economy took a downturn and then, at 31, had to watch our much wanted first baby fighting for life on a ventilator. There is nothing like that sort of experience to make you grow up quickly. Then although son 1 progressed well, son 2 turned out to have major problems of a different kind and life was taken over by appointments with therapists and battles with education professionals until he started school. I was unable to resume my professional career, though have continued to snatch hours to work from home and do voluntary work to give something back to people who helped me. I 'lost' almost a decade of my life when I rarely read a book or listened to music, when I was a mental and physical mess, though I am much more together now.

So no, I don't really identify with the protagonists of some of the books written for younger women. I guess nowadays I am looking for books about midlife crises and family difficulties, lost loves, loyalties and regrets.I have experienced all of these along the way as I found that I couldn't 'have it all' in the way some of the more feminist novels I read in my younger days had suggested.

But if our experiences shape our own writing then at least I have some substantial material to work with!

Chick lit

I don't read chick lit. In fact when I go into a bookshop I actively avoid paperbacks with pastel-coloured covers featuring a picture of a cartoon style young woman. It is not because I have anything specifically against chick lit, I believe it to be a harmless lightweight read for women in their 20's and 30's who aspire to a certain lifestyle. Being the wrong side of 45 ( but only just, honest...) I don't see it as being for me. I prefer to get my aspirational influences from glossy magazines.

As I said, I don't read chick lit. At least, I really thought I didn't. In the name of research I decided to look further into the phenomenon, as chick lit seems to have been predominantly what publishers have wanted for the last few years. Where better to start than Trashionista? Oh look, they have just posted their top 10 chick lit books of all time. I have read, and enjoyed, numbers 10 and 1 on the list. I have even flicked through number 7, which I got free with a mag. A further delve into their site reveals reviews of books by Anita Shreve and Melissa Bank, both of whom I list amongst my favourite authors and would categorize as having much more emotional depth and literary quality than the average chick lit.

On my bookshelf I also have this book. Normally the cover would have put me straight off but it is a compilation of stories originally published in Woman & Home magazine (which is surely published for the over 40 market?) and includes some great work by writers such as Andrea Levy, Tessa Hadley, Lesley Glaister and another of my special favourites, Maggie O'Farrell. It was issued to raise funds for Breast Cancer Care, a cause close to my heart ( see here for one of the reasons why). Is this chick lit, or hen lit? Does it matter? Who cares?

I think I am confused now. I need to do more research ....this topic may run and run.

Christmas TV

Was it just me, or was the TV even more rubbish than usual this year? We watched very little apart from programmes like CSI Miami which we would have watched anyway.

I was a little surprised to see the drama 'After Thomas' screened on Boxing Day. I have no idea whether it was good or not, as we chose not to watch it. I am all for awareness raising, and from what I have read about this drama, which was based on a true life case, it sounds as though it probably did take a realistic approach to living with autism. But for me this wasn't an entertaining festive subject and anyway it clashed with CSI Miami!

There is a current fashion in the publishing world for 'misery memoirs' about dysfunctional childhood and family life. Having a child with any sort of special needs obviously affects the whole family and recent figures from the National Autistic Society suggest that about 1 child in 110 is now diagnosed as being somewhere on the autistic spectrum. However, every child is very much an individual in the way they experience and respond to their particular challenges.

Like so many other families we live with the effects of autism every day, so we really don't need to watch it dramatised on TV at Christmas time....but if they repeat the programme I may well take a sneaky look....

It's all over...

... for another year. Thank goodness. No, actually it wasn't bad this year. A nice relaxing Christmas at home, just the four of us. No tears or tantrums, no disasters, just how Christmas should be. I had intended to go to the Sales today, but I can't be bothered, I don't want to spoil my good mood fighting over things in Next.

Season's Greetings

You may have noticed some changes to my blog recently. As I write quite a few of these changes seem to have suddenly disappeared but hopefully that is just a technical glitch and the archives, links etc will return soon.

Here is a seasonal vintage song for you all and I hope you have a good holiday season, wherever you are.

Crime fiction

I've always enjoyed crime fiction. I was introduced to Agatha Christie's books at an early age and it is still a favourite genre. For entertainment value I have for many years enjoyed books by authors such as Ed McBain, Patricia Cornwell and P D James. At home we enjoy watching police, forensics and legal dramas such as CSI or Law and Order and good old Inspector Morse was a firm favourite. It is possibly the only genre that everyone roughly agrees on in our house, as I don't like sci-fi or fantasy, which hubby favours, and he hates the medical dramas that son 1 and I both enjoy. Son 2 is still into CBeebies....

In recent weeks real life has seemed almost like a crime novel or thriller. Alexander Litvinenko, former Russian spy, is fatally poisoned, here in London, by use of a radioactive substance. Out in the country, a serial killer murders 5 prostitutes in a few weeks. Gun crime, especially in cities, is dramatically on the increase and children carry knives to school for protection.

Who needs fiction?

Agoraphobia

If you have visited here before you may recall that I recently started an Open University course on mental health K272, Challenging ideas in mental health, and son 1 is struggling with his own major issues at the moment. So I have sat down eagerly for the last two nights to watch the Channel 4 documentary 'House of Agoraphobics' and found it fascinating. It was so reassuring to see that what my son is experiencing is 'normal' for the condition and that the intervention he is receiving is a wholly appropriate one, even though that doesn't make any of it any easier to deal with for him or us. Caring for someone with mental health problems is so hard, you seem to spend your life walking on eggshells.

Back to the dodgy 1970's videos on YouTube and keeping to the theme of the day, this song by Supertramp is written for someone with mental health problems and is the only one by that band that I still listen to. It is a song which for many years I have loved to play when I am feeling low (though I do prefer the recorded version to this live one) but it is only since I became more aware of the isolating impact of mental health problems in family members and friends that I have fully appreciated the meaning of the lyrics. I wish I could get son 1 to listen to it.

YouTube

I spent some time yesterday evening exploring YouTube. I had been there before but was amazed to find how many old videos of favourite songs seemed to have been posted since my last visit.

This one, for example. Yes, I know it is not a cool song, but it has a lot of history for me. I first purchased Billy Joel's album 'The Stranger' when I was at school, probably about the same time that this clip was filmed! This song was allegedly written for the birthday of his then wife and for me it has so many memories attached. It reminds me of university, my first big love and my 21st birthday, through to seeing Billy Joel in concert at Wembley with hubby in the carefree days 'before kids'. I still like the song, even though it has been done to death by other singers, and I don't think the simplicity of this original version has ever been beaten. It is something I always return to when I want to wallow in nostalgia.

Christmas is coming

I have spent the last two days writing and sending my Christmas cards. Yes, I know I have left it very late and of course I have had to send them first class as a result, but to be honest it is a job I don't enjoy.

I think that for many parents of children with special needs Christmas is a difficult time. It is not just trying to find suitable presents for your child, but also the arrival of the round robin letters in cards from friends, which can bring home how different your child really is. Other peoples children are playing in school teams, learning musical instruments, winning awards for martial arts, drama or some other expensive leisure activity. Son 1 is currently confined to the house by agoraphobia, whilst son 2 has autism and will never take any exams and quite possibly never speak. We don't write round robin letters because it is almost impossible to explain how this impacts on our lives without sounding self-pitying. Life isn't all bad, but it is very different and it takes a special friend to understand that.

Music I have loved

A few months ago I read an article which stated that one of the signs of middle age was revisiting the music of your youth. I smiled wryly as I realised that I have been doing exactly that this year.

It all started when I got an Mp3 player in January. That made me go back to our CD collection so that I could rip favourite tracks onto my computer ready to put onto my shiny new gadget. (No, its not an iPod, I'm not that trendy, but a tiny little Creative player which fits easily into a pocket or handbag and is great for tube or bus journeys.) But I discovered that some fantastic oldies had never even been purchased on CD and so I hunted down some old albums via eBay and Amazon, purchased compilations and greatest hits collections, downloaded tracks and now have many of the songs I have loved over the years ready on my computer to listen to while working.

I think from time to time, when I have nothing better to say, I will dip into my music library and explain why a track means so much to me. Watch this space.

Reality TV

Although I am usually not a great fan of reality TV there are a few series I look forward to each year. These tend to be the ones which require the contestants to display and develop some sort of skill, rather than the ones that just act as a showcase for publicity hungry nobodies, such as Big Brother. I find it fascinating to watch talent emerging and I think I am probably the eternal student type of person, always wanting to try/learn new things and improve myself.

Leona Lewis has won the X-factor. The right choice I think, though Ray Quinn will also have a bright future, probably on the stage or TV presenting, and I hope that Ben will get a recording contract. One thing that has really struck me this year is how most of the last 12 contestants have been very dignified and generous in defeat. I hope that the talents discovered will not be wasted by bad management decisions in order to make a quick buck from them, but the record for reality talent show winners so far has not been good (Will Young excepted).

On further reflection...

I am not quite so happy with my course result. It is not so much the overall result, which was what I realistically expected, but the fact that my final 'project' scored second lowest of all my assignments. In fact it was by far the lowest mark I have had for prose. I revisited my work today and really could not understand why.

I know what my own tutor's reaction to my work usually was and I followed her suggestions for improvement. I kept to the word counts and my layout and punctuation is normally good. I can only assume that perhaps the second marker did not like either my style or subject matter. I write in a rather spare style of prose which is the opposite of the overwritten poetic style found in some literary novels. I am not a poet so imagery is not one of my strengths. I like to write about subjects with which I am familiar which means that disability often plays a role in my stories. My life writing piece was about a journey behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War (showing my age here), perhaps younger readers would not be familiar with the historical context.

Oh well, I shall never know what I could have done better.....

Results are in....

Officially the results were due 'by' tomorrow, but there had been a rumour flying around that they would come out at midday today. I spent the morning compulsively checking my student homepage on the Open University website and at 11.40, just when I was about to turn off the laptop and run up to the shops, there it was! I'm glad I spotted it early as the website has been struggling under the strain of students logging in for results ever since!

I'm happy. It was the result I had expected. I have been having to cope with difficult life circumstances and high stress levels throughout the course so simply to finish it was an achievement and a good mark a bonus, even if I secretly aspired to the highest grade! What I have gained from the course in terms of knowledge, confidence in my own writing, courage to submit work and just getting to know some amazing people can't be measured in an academic grade. It was a course which seemed almost too enjoyable at times and I can't wait for a follow -on level three syllabus!

Titles

I had two possible titles in mind for my future novel, so I decided to have a look on Amazon to see if they were already in use. I believe there is no copyright on titles but all the same it would be nice to choose something unique and hopefully memorable. My second choice has been used for a recently published novel in a different genre, so I think that is out. My preferred choice has been used but is currently only on a small press book of poetry, so that is still a possibility. Encouraging.

Course result jitters

The result of my A215 Creative Writing course is due by the end of this week and I am starting to get a little anxious. I don't know why, because I did well on all the assignments, but I suppose I am something of a perfectionist and want to get the highest possible marks! It's not as if this even matters that much. I am not really doing Open University courses with the aim of getting a degree, I already have a degree. I am doing courses in a random fashion for my own interest and personal development. If I happen to pick up certificates, diplomas or even another degree along the way then that is great, but it is not the primary objective.

However, I do have one thought in the back of my mind and that is the desire to do an MA in Creative Writing one day. My rather old first degree is respectable but not exceptional and on its own might not be enough to get me onto an MA course. I think a portfolio of competent writing is probably just as important, but I don't have that yet either. So a really good mark on this course could be helpful and would also show that I can still study at university level in the area of the Arts.

Hence the jitters. I'll let you know at the end of the week....

Novel

Yesterday I started my novel! Its very early days yet, I have the title, story outline and the narrative form in mind but haven't decided exactly how to structure the timeline. Still, I decided I could not procrastinate forever, so have committed the first 500 words to paper and will think about it further and add to it as and when I can.

Blogs and book reviews

There seems to have been a controversy raging about bloggers who write book reviews in their blogs and how this could threaten the established world of reviewing in the mainstream press. It was stirred by these articles written by John Sutherland and Rachel Cooke and entries on Susan Hill's blog.

Perhaps one of the most balanced pieces about how ridiculous this all is has been written on Normblog. Do people really think that we are so naive that we don't realise that reviews and promotions are manipulated by the media and the publishers? It is no different to Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh shamelessly promoting their other artistes, who just happen to have new albums out, as special guests on The X-Factor.

I don't buy books solely on the basis of a press review or even the reviews of bloggers or Amazon buyers. I buy because I already know and enjoy the author, perhaps because the synopsis or even just the cover appeals. I buy many of my books in charity shops, so I can take risks with authors I don't know without wasting too much money and if I don't like it I just recycle it straight back to another charity shop. If I was more mercenary and organised I could sell them on. When I am uncertain about a book or author I try to find the book in a local shop and look at it before buying it new. So although I do read book reviews in the quality press they really don't influence me much at all, although I do sometimes laugh at the pomposity of the reviewers.

The X Factor

Watching the reality TV show I have been wondering what gives an artist or even a piece of writing the X factor?

Eton Road went home on Saturday so as far as the music show goes they are down to the last four. Leona is a beautiful girl and great singer, but very shy so her personality hasn't really shown through. I do also wonder if her style, which is very Mariah Carey/Celine Dion, is just a little bit dated now, but that is perhaps down to the song choices made for her. Ray is a real showman and will probably do well in the West End. His looks probably appeal to the little girl and granny voters but as I am neither of these I'm afraid he does nothing for me. The MacDonald brothers are pleasant enough, can sing in tune and certainly don't deserve the hammering they have received from Simon Cowell each week, but although they will probably do very well in Scotland, I can't see them as international stars. Which leaves Ben. For me he is the closest to having the whole package in terms of ability, looks and personality. Admittedly Leona is probably a technically better singer but somehow Ben seems to have more passion.

So is passion the key to finding the X factor? We are often advised to write about things we know and care deeply about and certainly for me that advice has produced my most successful work so far. The novel I have planned in my head would follow the same sort of themes so maybe it would actually work?

Agents?

It seems that to get a novel published by a big publishing house you need an agent, but getting an agent is almost impossible nowadays. So where does a first-timer start...look at the small independent press or go all out to catch the eye of an agent? More and more literary agents and publishing professionals are setting up blogs with advice for the would-be-novelist. Try looking at Miss Snark or The Rejecter...both on the other side of the pond but I'm sure much of the information would apply here too.

Story critique

One of the best ways to improve your writing is to have it read and critiqued, so I decided to send the story rejected by 'Woman's Weekly' to a professional critique and editing service. It costs money to do this, of course, and I certainly would not do it with every piece of work, but this time I wanted to get a view from a professional as to whether it was suitable for the weekly magazine market and how it could be improved.

I was pleased with the results. The reviewer noticed several small punctuation errors and made a few suggestions for minor changes but overall thought it could be published in the market I was aiming it at. So, onwards and upwards, next week I will edit again and get ready to send it out to another magazine!

Winter blues

I admit it isn't really winter yet but it is cold, dark, wet and miserable. I keep procrastinating about work and would like nothing better than to spend a few days just wrapped in a duvet in front of the TV with a good book (shades of Martine McCutcheon in a recent TV ad for fabric softener). Last week my doctor asked me if I was a summer or winter person. It's not a question that I had ever seriously considered before, because I don't really feel comfortable in any extreme of weather, hot or cold, but as soon as she said it I realised that my mood had definitely dropped when the weather changed so suddenly this autumn and the days became shorter. So perhaps I actually do suffer from SAD?

A challenge

A friend was recently raving about 'A Suitable Boy' by Vikram Seth, so when I spotted it in a charity shop on Saturday I had to buy it. However, having considered the size of the book, I have decided to just put it on the shelf and view it as a future challenge for now...

I still have limited computer time so haven't written anything new recently, but I do have a few ideas buzzing around in my head and odd notes written down, which I hope to be able to piece together into something more substantial in the new year.

First rejection

The long awaited rejection letter from Woman's Weekly finally arrived this morning. I'm not at all disappointed as I had expected that to be the outcome. Woman's Weekly is highly competitive, they receive huge numbers of stories every week and only accept a very few. They seem to have quite a few regular writers and also stories by published novelists which are presumably commissioned anyway, so the chance of getting a story accepted by them will always be tiny. In any case I am not really sure that is the market I would want to aim for in the longer term, but I may well give it another go sometime.

I feel like a proper writer now and I will file every rejection letter for posterity!

Harley Street

Off to Harley Street to see the dental specialist today. After a couple of x-rays and a quick opinion (total cost over £100) I was left to consider the next step. It will probably be (a little) cheaper if my local dentist does the required work but I don't yet know if he will be able to.Either way it will cost an arm and a leg!

Didn't have to rush straight home so walked over to Marylebone High Street and found a specialist Oxfam shop full of books and music. I bought four books, including an unopened copy of Tessellate - the UEA Creative Writing Anthology 2006 which was only published last month and cost me less than half the cover price. As I hope to do a creative writing MA one day it is interesting to see what graduates of these courses write, I have previously also found an anthology by MA students at Royal Holloway in a charity shop near home.

Then onwards to Oxford Street, stopping for a caffeine boost in Starbucks on the way. Debenhams had one of its spectacular sales on so was crowded, but I bought a couple of things then had a snack in John Lewis before heading for home.

Busy week ahead

Important school meeting today. Doctor tomorrow, Harley Street dentist on Wednesday, lots of things to do at home, old friends to catch up with. Might even try to do some OU work and write something....

The X Factor continues. Up to last week I was definitely backing Ben. I still like him but Leona is getting better and better, she was fab on Saturday. So was Robert and Eton Road have a quirky charm so now I am totally confused!

Blocked

The writing is not going well. I have an idea for a novel and an idea for another poem but I can't seem to get started on them. It doesn't help that I only have access to my computer first thing in the morning when son 1 is asleep. His computer has gone off to hopefully be fixed by a friend, but it is not likely to be back for at least another week. Son 2 was off school for just one day in the week and his ear infection is clearing up well with antibiotics, but that was another lost day.It's good that I didn't sign up for NaNoWriMo as I would be so far behind by now.

I also find it hard to get started on a new piece when I am waiting to hear about other things, in this case my writing course result and a response to my first submission. This is something I will need to get over but in the meantime I am trying a few writing prompts and trying to get a few words written most days, however trivial and disconnected.

Kids!

Son 1 is constantly borrowing my laptop while his computer is out of action, so my work time is limited. Son 2 is off school with an ear infection. Luckily we caught it early and he has been given antibiotics. Hopefully he will be able to go back to school tomorrow, as it doesn't appear to be bothering him too much today. All my plans for the day have had to be shelved yet again. Never mind, it's a good excuse not to do the ironing or the cleaning....

More damage

So today we discovered that whilst climbing through the garage searching for Argos catalogues (don't ask!) Son 2 had tripped over Son 1's expensive bike and ripped out the brake cable....

Nothing is safe here.

Computer woes

I am almost ashamed to admit that thanks to wireless broadband we have three computers in the house. Son 2 has a cheap desktop in the dining room which is perfect for accessing CBeebies. I have a super-duper state of the art laptop ( well it was state of the art 15 months ago...) which I can use in the lounge and Son 1 has inherited the old family computer in the study upstairs. It died on him last night. This is rather unfortunate because due to current ill health it is his main means of communication with the world. So what to do? A friend who understands computers has offered to have a look at it but I think he will probably need a new one. Just what we needed at this time of year....and it has to be up to playing the latest 3D games and running multiple conversations all at once, so not cheap. Ho hum.

Distractions

This weekend's main distractions:

1. Watching The X Factor. At the moment I am backing Ben to win and I do like to see Simon Cowell sulking....

2. Sudoku. I've not got heavily into this before, but now someone has led me to this online site, so it will no doubt prove to be a wonderful displacement activity when I am supposed to be working.

3. Shopping. The fun kind, not Tesco. Including a stop for an Americano and a slice of lemon cheesecake....

Short stories

Today's charity shop bargain was a copy of 'The Best American Short Stories 2005' for 99p. This was from the same shop where I recently found a copy of 'A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian' for 10p....I think someone must have taken the title at face value! The book mountain in our dining room continues to grow....

A funny blog

Go and take a look at Non-Working Monkey.... it's very funny.

I haven't done any reading or writing today ( apart from a few emails) but I did have yet another visit to Tesco.The kids eat us out of house and home (something to do with teenage hormones I think) so I have to stock up on a Friday for the weekend. We have already run out of the mini choc bars left over from Halloween, when for once the only trick or treater who knocked was our tiny next door neighbour.Perhaps people are waking up to the fact that Halloween is little more than an excuse to rip off gullible parents.Those costumes and accessories don't come cheap!

New course

Have had a headache today but managed to make a start on my new OU course K272 Challenging ideas in Mental Health.I have a feeling that this course is going to challenge me too! I am doing it mainly to educate myself more about the mental health issues which have affected various members of our family both now and in the past. It will certainly be different to doing the writing but hopefully will be interesting and provide me with potential material to write about later as well as to use in real life.

About 6 years ago I took another OU course in health and social care, K100, and some units of this are now available for free at Open Learn for anyone interested in an introduction to the subject area. I really enjoyed that course and it gave me a lot to think about in respect of my autistic child and his future care needs.

Today's reading

This morning I started 'The Wonder Spot' by Melissa Bank. I read her first book, 'A Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing' years ago and re-read it a few months ago. Her style is unusual and appeals to me. Although the books are marketed as novels they are really a series of linked stories which show the development of the main character over a number of years. The writing is as precise as that of traditional short story writers and Melissa Bank has an eye for quirky characters and a witty style which I envy.I'm looking forward to continuing the book.