Thursday, February 22, 2007

Self pity

I try not to indulge in self pity often. Our family circumstances might not be easy, but I know others are in an even worse position. I try to keep busy and not think about it too hard.

Sometimes, however, it does just hit me. After two weeks of full on caring and juggling during half term, I am exhausted. I have been suffering from frequent hand tremors so have cut down on caffeine. That has helped a little but I suspect it is medication, prescribed by my doctor, which is causing this. My head is woolly but is that the stress or just my hormones?

Yesterday my sister called. There is a big age gap between us and although we get on fine, we are not particularly close. After a long chat she said 'You never have it easy, do you?' which is exactly what a friend had said on the phone just a few weeks ago. I felt like crying.

Then today I was watching 'This Morning' about the lack of support for parents of disabled children and it hit home again. I'm going to spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity and sod the work. Bring on the chocolate!


Anne Brooke said...

Poor you, Cathy - I have huge sympathy for your situation, even though there's no way I can imagine what it's like. I'm sending big fluffy hugs your way.

Can you not go and see your doctor again and see if he can fiddle round with medication at all? Or is there someone outside the situation you can talk to? (my counsellor's great, but I know that's not the answer for everyone).

In the meantime, please remember the St John's Ambulance Code: the MOST IMPORTANT person in ANY crisis is ME - I am NUMBER ONE. Give yourself time to relax, or even fail, if you're able to.

Hugs again.


Anonymous said...

What great advice Anne.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like you are Cathy. Warm hugs from here too.

A woman's lot is never easy and I admire you in particular as you have more to deal with than most.

And you know what, there is nothing wrong in having a good cry, it's a good release.

Also, have you seen that episode of Vicar of Dibley with Dawn French surrounded by chocolate bars.

That's what you want to do. Buy an extra fridge fill it with yummy things and break it open in a crisis. :-)

Look after yourself.

Sue x x

Cathy said...

Thanks Anne and Sue!

Anne,I did try counselling but had to give up before the end of my sessions when son 1 became ill.

Sue, I already have a fridge stocked with crisis goodies!

Galaxy anyone?

Anne Brooke said...

If the children are up to it now, Cathy, you can always take up the counselling option again. You have to have time-for-me time ...


Livvy U. said...

Hello again Cathy
I've just written you a reply to your (very welcome!) comment on my blog and thought I'd come and pay you a visit. I'm so glad I did. It's brilliant to discover a new, well-written blog. You are obviously struggling with a lot of things at the moment - I have nothing but admiration, God knows having one child is hard, but two, and with added extras? That's harder. And hey, nothing wrong with a bit of chocolate. Can't live without it myself at the moment.
You know, what I tell myself when I insist on tiny bits of time for myself is that everyone around me benefits as well. I'm sure that would be true in your case, too.
Anyway, no more waffling. I shall return to read more, in the meantime, pleased to meet you

Cathy said...

Great to meet you too, Livvy, and thanks for the compliment!

I do get me-time, without it I would probably been locked up years ago! I do also have lots of friends in similar situations who I can talk to, but I still long to be doing something productive and creative with my life too, and that is where the conflict hits in. I think you understand what I mean...


Jackie Luben said...

You have every right to feel self pity, Cathy. Many of us spend a lot of our time moaning without similar justification.

I had a problem with the shakes about four years ago. It was coupled with tachycardia (episodes of fast heart-rate) and I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. There wasn't. I was offered beta blockers, which didn't work and tranquillisers, which I decided not to take. Instead I cut out coffee, nuts, nutmeg and to a certain extent chocolate, which also contains caffeine, and substituted Typhoo decaf tea for my normal cuppa. I also took Kalms. I'm now more or less back to normal, but have stuck to the decaf.

I hope you feel better soon.

Debi said...

To be positive and 'up' all the time is not only impossible but also unhealthy! It's just hard to remember that in the 'down' times.

Look after yourself - and yes, chocolate is good ...