Heads up

On Sunday I will be hosting a leg of the very lovely Cally Taylor's blog tour.

If you haven't already read her debut novel, Heaven Can Wait, then I suggest you get down to the shops now. I don't often read chick lit nowadays, and I've never before read supernatural chick lit, but I devoured this book in two days. It's a beautifully written, light read which made me both laugh and cry and has an ending I didn't see coming. I'm now looking forward to Cally's second book...

X Factor update

This week I was loving Jamie. I always judge my favourite performances by whether I seek them out on the internet to view again and this was the only one.



I felt desperately sorry for Rachel, I don't think she has been given decent songs or much TV coverage. I hope that will be remedied for next week because actually she is a good singer who doesn't deserve to be in the bottom two so early.

The twins, well what can be said? They shouldn't still be there, yet they will probably survive until somewhere in the middle of the series because they make us laugh. Not in a good way.

PS. Whitney. Wardrobe fail and was she on the same as Robbie last week? Eek.

Hateful journalism

I never was particularly a fan of Boyzone. Like Louis Walsh's other band Westlife, they were wallpaper music to me. Never offensive, I liked a few of their songs, I even knew the names of at least some of the band members, but that was as far as it went. So when I heard of the sudden death last weekend of Stephen Gately I was sad, not so much because Stephen Gately himself had great meaning to me but because any death at the age of 33 is a tragedy.

So I was disgusted on Friday to be led, via lovely Twitter friend Keris, to the most odious piece of journalism I think I have ever read, written by Jan Moir in The Daily Mail. I was not the only person to feel disgusted by this piece of gutter journalism. Over 1000 complaints were made to the Press Complaints Commission (including mine). The PCC website crashed. At some point during the day the Mail changed the title of the piece from the original wording 'There was nothing 'natural' about Stephen Gately's death' and advertising on the web page was removed, presumably at the request of the advertisers who included Marks and Spencer.

So what was it about this piece which offended so much? Well it was clearly homophobic (though Jan Moir, in a subsequent statement full of self delusion has denied this). It was inaccurate. Yes, apparently healthy young men can just die suddenly, it is medically recognised as Sudden Adult Death Syndrome and such heart problems apparently ran in Gateley's family. It gratuously brought in the recent death (by suicide) of another young gay man who had been in the public eye but whose passing had nothing to do with Gately. The whole piece intruded on the dignified grief of family and friends and was even published the day before Stephen Gately's funeral.

I've been thinking a lot about journalism recently, because I am considering dipping my toe into the water of that area of writing. I know that writing for a paper or magazine is not as straightforward as it might look and opinion journalism must be particularly difficult. The challenge to find, on a weekly basis, something that will grab the attention of the public and sell papers, without offending a large minority must be difficult. But this piece managed to offend in so many ways and this was recognised by so many people. It is even being reported today that a complaint has been made to the Metropolitan Police.

We do, of course have free speech in this country, but the flip side of that is that those who express strong opinions in such a public fashion must be able to take the consequences of others also expressing their views by putting in formal complaints. This was no organised internet campaign, as Jan Moir suggests, but the result of a large number of people who were offended by her column taking action and discussing the issue online. The result of free speech in the digital age.

Let's hope it makes a difference. But don't hold your breath. One of the leading lights of the PCC is Paul Dacre, none other than the editor of The Daily Mail...

Normalising autism

I've just read this article and found myself nodding in agreement.

Autism is certainly much more acknowledged and much more diagnosed than it used to be, but services haven't kept up. We too will be faced with looking for an adult placement for son 2 in the next couple of years, and even now it is hard to see where he will fit in. He is severely autistic, but not as challenging as many and could be very vulnerable amongst bigger, more physical severely autistic adults. Yet at the same time he is nowhere near able enough to be amongst high functioning autistic people.

I'll stick my head back in the sand for another year and hope that services haven't had all their funding cut by the time I pull it back out again...

X Factor - Spot the difference

Johnny Bravo



John and Edward

Serendipity

I never believed that things happen for a reason. But the way life is going at the moment I might just start to change my mind.

It has been another rollercoaster week. Yesterday Hubby's business formally went into voluntary liquidation and on Thursday he had signed on, a soul-destroying experience in itself. Then last evening I received the best possible news, that my flash fiction piece was one of the winners in the Tonto Books short story competition and will be appearing in the forthcoming anthology Even More Tonto Short Stories.

I have to be honest, I almost didn't enter the Tonto competion. I was aware of it, of course, as it was mentioned on many writers' blogs. I had looked at my meagre amount of unsubmitted work, but I knew Tonto like edgy prose and I didn't think that I had anything which could even be knocked into that shape. I was also entering into my first major MS relapse at the time, looking for a diagnosis and feeling pretty shitty, so I decided to pass on the competition. It wasn't until the end of July, when I heard the deadline had actually been extended by a couple of days, that I suddenly changed my mind.

I sat in a coffee shop and wondered if I could conjure a piece of flash fiction from somewhere. I knew a longer piece would not be completed in time, as I was suffering from very bad double vision due to the MS. But what could I write? I scrolled through my MP3 player and suddenly decided to start a series of flash fiction pieces based on old song titles. I listed a few possibilities in my notebook. Then I went home and started to write. Two days later, on the competition closing date, I submitted 500 words to Tonto. I had little hope of success and was feeling rather guilty about paying an entry fee knowing our financial circumstances were about to change (though the fee was only to actually purchase the book, so was entirely justifiable!)

I wonder why that particular piece succeeded? Perhaps it was because I wrote it very quickly and didn't have time to edit to death. Perhaps some extra depth came out of being very ill at the time of writing. But most likely it was just luck, that my piece appealed to the judge in some way and worked well alongside others selected. I'll never know, of course. I guess it is a lesson that we have to learn as writers, that there can be so many almost random reasons for success or rejection. I guess too that is why we need to grow thick skins.

Right now I feel as if the parts of our lives have been thrown up into the air and we are just waiting to see how they will land. It is scary but at the same time exciting, and as the Tonto result shows, anything might happen. Perhaps it is all for an as yet unknown reason.

Photographs

On Saturday I did something I never expected to do. I had my photo taken, at a photographic studio in London.

People who know me understand that I have something of a phobia of the camera. I know I'm not the most photogenic person in the world and I prefer to stay firmly behind the lens. So this outing was not something I would have arranged myself.

Let me take you back many months. I received an email from my sister saying that she'd signed up for a photoshoot session and would I like to go along with her and my niece, the aim being to get a really good group picture to give to our parents for Christmas (don't worry, they won't see this!) Although my first reaction was to panic, it wasn't that hard to persuade me. I then left it to my sister to arrange a date.

Several months passed and no date had been arranged. When we did manage to find some mutually convenient weekends, it was always too late to make a booking, but eventually we got a date sorted in July. And then I became ill. My sister kindly rearranged it for this weekend, the last possible date before she would lose the deposit she'd paid upfront.

So there we were having our make up and hair done and our photos taken in three different outfits. At the end we had a large number of shots to choose from and we narrowed it down to twelve to purchase (the cost prohibited us taking any more). My niece turned out to be wonderfully photogenic, a real natural. My sister fretted about her make up. I thought she looked beautiful, but she doesn't usually wear any so she felt strange. I was just glad to get a few decent shots of myself.

Actually one of my shots is excellent and I'm saving it for now, but it would make a great author photo. Another I have already posted on my website. A third I have cropped from one of the group shots. And most importantly, we have some great pictures for Mum and Dad...

Birthdays

Yesterday we took son 2 to a birthday party. That in itself is a rarity. Son 2 has always hated parties, they are too noisy for him and he can't cope with the change of routine. So since the age of 5 we have just had a low key birthday with cake and candles at home, knowing that his wonderful school have also held a celebration there for his peer group. This is important as son 2 doesn't go to a local school and his classmates come from a wide geographical area.

Anyway, the party yesterday was a swimming party, at a pool son 2 had not visited before. The guests were a mixture of children with a variety of special needs and some young non-disabled siblings. We were really unsure how son 2 would cope, so Hubby and I both went along, Hubby to go in the water with him and me to be on standby watching. But I wasn't needed. Son 2 behaved well, and despite obvious anxiety (he hates the echo of swimming pools) he was persuaded into the water. Although he is a nonswimmer he enjoyed floating around in the shallow end, as he usually does. He even came out of the water immediately when asked, this has not always been the case in the past!

In the party room he sat nicely at the table and ate pizza, albeit with his MP3 player in his ears to block out the sound of chatter. When he had finished eating he announced, in his own nonverbal way, that it was time to go home. But by then the party was winding up anyway and we were able to head for home, feeling proud of our son's success in coping with a new situation. In an environment where he was accepted for exactly what he is, he produced behaviour which would not have been too out of place at a mainstream party.

While we are on the subject of bithdays, Casdok's son has just celebrated his 21st. Please take the time to read her beautiful post reflecting on his coming of age.

Tightening the belts...

So the new era of financial abstinence has begun (though you might not believe that after I had been to town yesterday!)

Knowing that this employment situation was about to occur, a few weeks ago I purchased a (discounted) copy of India Knight's The Thrift Book. Now I like India's journalism, often finding myself agreeing with her, and I enjoyed The Thrift Book as expected. But as I read all too often I found myself thinking hey, I already do that. We've always swapped children's clothes with friends, I've been a keen crafter for years and I am far too familiar with eBay, to give just a few examples. Let's face it, India Knight and I move in different circles and most of my friends and I have been thrifty by her standards for years. So not too many savings to be made there.

I'm looking at ways of reducing the food bill. Since I became ill in the summer I have been unable to drive, so started using the Tesco home delivery service. I find it successful because it eliminates most impulse buying, but of course you have to pay for the convenience (though this week's delivery charge was refunded because they were late due to a van breakdown.) Now Hubby will be home we will probably go to the store together and it will be interesting to see if the weekly food cost rises or falls as a result!

I've booked an appointment with a benefits advisor next week, as our situation is complicated by the fact that we have a disabled child and of course my own capacity to work is currently in question. Hubby will be busy with the winding up of the company for the next few weeks, even though his work will be unpaid. As a director it is his responsibility to provide the receiver with all necessary information.

Then we will sit down and look at all our options. I have a lot of voluntary sector experience in an unpaid capacity, but of course that sector is even more cash-strapped than most and job opportunities locally are now rare. I am also investigating how much it would cost me to retrain to get back into some form of accountancy, albeit at a lower level than when I left the profession eighteen years ago. But I do wonder if it is worth the investment, if I won't be able to get a job at the end due to my health, and of course I would much rather be doing something home-based and writing related...

The times they are a-changing

Sorry, I've been a bad and absent blogger again. I will try to do better in future.

I'm sitting here watching the BBC news about the collapse, exactly twelve months ago, of the American bank Lehman Brothers. A collapse which pushed the world into financial meltdown. Over the last few days I've been reading that governments over the world are starting to say that the corner has been turned, that their countries are heading out of recession. It has even been suggested that Gordon Brown will say the same about the UK this week. Whether Britain is heading in the right direction or not, it comes too late for many people who, through no fault of their own, have lost their livelihood.

On Friday Hubby and his business partner will shut up their company for good, forced out of business by events out of their control. They operate in a construction industry heavily hit by the bursting of the property bubble and the work has disappeared to the extent that the company is no longer solvent enough to trade legally. As I was also employed for a few hours a week we will lose all our household income and, given our ages and my health issues, future employment prospects do not look rosy.

Now this may be a great opportunity to do something we will enjoy more and for me to get more help in my role as a carer, but it will also be a huge challenge. I need to start making some proper money from my writing rather than giving it away, for publishing credits and experience, as I have up to now. But I'm not sure how to go about this, how to get my foot on the ladder.

Ideas on a postcard please.

September comes...

The new month begins and school is back tomorrow. It's been a strange holiday as I've not been able to do much due to my MS relapse, which thankfully seems now to have almost resolved. Inspired by his brother, son 2 decided to listen to his mp3 player for the first time ever, which has been a godsend. It's not an iPod but a cheap kids' player I got on eBay, a tiny capacity but seemingly sturdy, which is very important.

I've spent the last two days working. Due to my bad back I should only sit at my desk for short periods of time and by the end of yesterday I was in a lot pain. I've no idea whether the back pain which affects my mobility is part of the MS, but I've decided I must get back to doing yoga regularly, as that used to help a lot.

When I had a gym membership I used to do hatha yoga classes twice a week, with a lovely teacher whose gentle approach was suitable for all. I had to give up my gym membership when I became unable to get there due to family illness and sadly now I can't afford to rejoin. In the past I've bought yoga dvds but found it difficult to practice when it is necessary to look at the screen and so I lazily let my yoga slip. A bad mistake, I fear.

But now I think I've found the answer, yoga mp3s from Yoga2hear, which are also available via Audible. The narrator, Sue Fuller sounds very like my old teacher and the beginner classes I've sampled so far seem to use a similar gentle approach. I'm going to get a few more over the coming months and then I should have enough for a varied home yoga practice. I hope my back appreciates it.

Nick Hornby and autism

There is an interesting piece about Nick Hornby in The Times today, along with an excerpt from his forthcoming book, Juliet Naked. You can read it here.

I have a lot of time for Nick Hornby. Not just for his writing, which is good and accessible, but also for his quiet championing of services for children with autism. Nick and his ex-wife set up a very specialist school in London for children with autism. Whilst the specific teaching approach used at TreeHouse school is not the one we chose for son 2, I do know other parents who use it successfully and indeed have children at the school.

Nick Hornby doesn't often speak or write specifically about his autistic son, but when he does, as in this interview in 2000, it is always moving. I'm currently writing a novel about living with autism and I can only aspire to express the tangled emotions as successfully as Nick Hornby.

Mummy blogging

Despite the strapline of this blog, I have never really intended it to be a 'mummy blog', so I was interested to read this article about mummy blogging and why people do it.

Parenting is, of course, a huge part of my life and that is why I do write about my family from time to time, but on the whole what gets on to this blog is a fairly sanitised version. I think long and hard about what I want to expose to the world, but even so there are probably a few posts which I would remove from the blog should my readership ever rise substantially.

My real reason for creating this blog was to chart my own progress in moving away from being 'just a mum' and finding myself again. The sense of losing your own individuality is one experienced by many parents, especially parents of disabled children who are perhaps unable to work because their lives have been taken over by educational provisions, behavioural issues and medical appointments. It is a challenge which at some point, needs to be addressed for the parents' own sanity and for me writing has filled the gap and hopefully set me off in a new direction.

I've 'met' lots of lovely people through this blog, both writers and parents of disabled children. But that has been a happy coincidence, I didn't set the blog up to find parenting or special needs advice as I have plenty of friends just up the road who regularly offer coffee and support. Nor did I set up the blog to encourage parenting advertisers or freebies...I have had offers but have always turned them down.

I've been asked why I don't post pictures of my children online, either here or in a 'private' forum. There is a simple answer. Both my boys are, in their own ways, quite vulnerable and it is my job, as a parent to protect them. Now that is not to say there aren't pictures of them online. Son 1, like every teenager, uses social media, but there he is control of his own images. We have on occasion given permission for a charity to use unnamed pictures of Son 2, both in print and online, because we know they will be used with integrity. Having in the past been the subject of online nastiness, even from people who should be supportive, I don't want to expose my children's identities. I may be paranoid, but we are quite a private family in many ways.

So if you are looking for a true mummy blog, there are many bloggers out there covering both special needs and regular parenting with a depth and humour you won't find here. My kids will continue to pop up on the blog but I'm starting to wonder if it is time to change my strapline...

The X Factor...

...is back. I'm so excited! Four good contestants tonight and how cute and good is Danyl?

Here, there and everywhere

First of all thank you for all your lovely comments on my last post. They are much appreciated and it is good to be back. But now I'm about to disappear again for a few days, as tomorrow I'm off to the seaside for some internet-free rest and relaxation. I'll be staying with my parents and am taking son 1 with me to act as escort and porter.

While I'm there I will be doing a lot of thinking about my writing. Not about my current novel, I do know where that is going even if progress is slow. It is novel 2 which is now unexpectedly on my mind, as yesterday the characters for a new story started to introduce themselves. The second novel is clearly not going to be what I had originally intended to write and it will require some considerable research. But the main characters are here, solidly lodging themselves in my head, and now I just need to let them lead me towards the plot...

Bad times, good times

The bad news first.

A week ago I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, an incurable condition with an uncertain progression and prognosis. It wasn't a surprise. I have been feeling 'not quite right' for maybe eight years, have had various tests, with minor symptoms being attributed to stress or the side effects of drugs. All of this seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, I have no complaints about my medical treatment. But this time I had tingling in my face, my GP suspected MS, was honest enough to say so and refer me on. That was at the end of June.

After a more recent week-long convoluted story involving two hospital A&E departments and an MRI scanner, my consultant neurologist broke the news. I was just thankful it wasn't a brain tumour, which was the other possibility. At the moment I have severe double vision, because the muscles in my eyes are not working together. I can't drive, I'm walking with a stick, feeling very weak and wobbly, and I need patched glasses just to function. I know this is just a bad relapse, part and parcel of MS. I am already better than I was, it should all improve further with time.

But all this was forgotten yesterday when my Open University results came out. I got the grade I had hoped for in my Advanced Creative Writing course, not a distinction but the next best thing. As a result I am now the proud owner of a Diploma in Literature and Creative Writing, as well as an Open Degree with 2.1 Honours ( due to the eclectic mix of courses I have studied I can take this as either a BA or BSc. I think I will go for the BSc, despite the strong creative writing content, as I already have a BA!)

There is a wonderful symmetry here. I initially joined the OU ten years ago to study one course in Health and Social Care, in order to better understand the systems we would be fighting because of son 2's autism. I had no intention of going on to do another degree, but due to my kids' special needs over the last four years I found myself stuck at home with a need for distraction from a lot of stress. I went back to the OU and found a new direction and validation with the OU creative writing courses, making a dream into a reality. I have learned so many practical writing skills, I have been published and I will continue writing, not just as a means of one day hopefully perhaps making a little pocket money, but above all to enjoy a 'career' which can fit around not only my role as a carer but now also my own future health needs.

I hope the best is yet to come.

Will You

I'd forgotten all about this song, but I heard it recently and remembered how much I loved it. Memories came flooding back.

Sometimes...

...such as when you find the downstairs shower room and adjoining laundry room flooded with sewage at 8.30 on a Saturday evening, it is useful to be married to a man who owns a drainage company.

A man who, although not a drain tech himself, does understand how the drains work and keeps a set of drainage rods in the boot of his car. A man who, with the help of Son 1, is prepared to persevere with rodding until the solid blockage at the base of the soil stack finally clears itself in a rush of backed up water.

A second round of cleaning and disinfecting continues today, after we finished just before midnight. The flood water even got into the base of my huge ironing pile and a mound of clothes I was sorting for the charity shop, so there is a lot of washing to do.

We blame it on Son 2, who likes to throw things down the toilets and flush quickly, before we can even see what went down. The blockage could well have contained cardboard, broken DVDs, teaspoons and chunks of soap and it caused the water from his bath upstairs to overflow through the downstairs toilet and shower, as it had nowhere else to go.

I'm just thankful it didn't all happen a day or two earlier when Hubby was away in Europe!

Breaking the silence

Sorry about my recent absence here. Over the last two weeks I have spent far too much time in the doctor's waiting room and the dentist's chair, culminating in a dreaded root canal treatment this week.

As a result I am way behind with my work (the sort that pays) and, with a deadline looming and a summer holiday approaching, I'm having to keep my head down and try to catch up.

Normal service (whatever that is) will be resumed as soon as possible.

How not to react to a review

As writers we all get stung by criticism of our work, whether it is published or just writing submitted on a course or at a writers' group.

But American author Alice Hoffman took her dismay a step too far when she launched an angry tirade against a newspaper reviewer on Twitter and worse still, published the reviewer's personal contact details, enciting her fans to attack her too.

The excellent How Publishing Really Works blog has a great summary of the whole fiasco and its ramifications here.

[For the record Alice Hoffman is a writer I feel I should like, but when I borrowed a couple of her books from the library some years ago I gave up on them. I hope she won't attack me for that...]

Novel Racers and wet feet

Yesterday I travelled to Birmingham for the latest Novel Racers' meet up. It's not a difficult journey from here, but did involve a bus and two trains so I planned it carefully in advance and took the risk of booking my tickets early, to get a good price. On the morning I left home far earlier than I needed to, so as to avoid any possibility of missing my connection at Watford Junction. The journey went completely to plan and I finally arrived in Birmingham at 11.45 for a 12.30 meet.

That was when I discovered that Google Maps are not accurate. But despite the dubious directions we all eventually found the pub and took over a corner furnished with sofas. It was lovely to see everyone...most I had already met at a meet in London last year, but I had the pleasure of meeting DK, Rachel and Ellie for the first time. There was lots of chat, about writing, of course but about many other things too. It was so incredibly humid, that I kept turning round to look outside to see if it was raining. Eventually we heard a spectacular clap of thunder and the heavens opened.

All too soon it was time for me to wander back to the station in the now light rain. Once again my train was running on time and we sped south, eventually hitting black clouds and torrential rain not far north of Watford. When I had to alight the rain was lighter again, but due to flash flooding the underpass used to move from one platform to the other was inches deep in water, the station staff fighting a losing battle with brooms and buckets. Everyone had no choice but to tiptoe through it.

My connection was standing almost ready to go and by the time I got off again the rain was light. I had about a fifteen minute wait for my bus, all the time praying the storm would hold off until I reached home, and it did.

Despite my eventual wet feet I had a most enjoyable day!

The death of two icons

Let me take you back to your youth. Back to the time when our heroes were allowed to be normal sized people with slightly chubby faces and curves.

First there was Farrah Fawcett-Majors (as she was then known) in Charlie's Angels. A pin-up for the boys and a sassy role model for us girls, her hair was copied by millions. The Angels led us to believe that girls really could do anything, at a time when we were trying to escape the dull domesticity experienced by our mothers.



Then there was Michael Jackson, whose personal journey led him from the legendary familial Motown pop group to become the creator of some of the best and most purchased pop records ever made.



Let's hope that in time Michael Jackson will be primarily remembered for his musical and showmanship achievements, rather than the the excesses and weirdness of the 'Wacko Jacko' years, with all their dark undertones.

And I also hope that Farrah Fawcett will not be forgotten, despite being pushed from all the news bulletins by the death of an even bigger star on the same day.

In the last week...

I have reached, and gone past the half way mark in my novel. That felt like a huge achievement, as I have been writing this novel on and off for two and a half years!

I have decided I am not a fast writer. I never have been able to do the fast and furious 'shitty first draft'. Instead I think a lot about each section and edit lightly as I am writing. I am hoping that this means that subsequent edits will be quicker and easier, but we will see.

I have also been thinking a lot about where my novel might fall in the market. I don't write chick lit, I simply can't do the comedy. It's certainly not literary fiction either, though I suppose it may end up falling into the Richard and Judy book club 'lit-lite' category of commercial fiction. I would be quite pleased if it does.

But after giving all this a lot of thought I decided just to think about some of the authors I particularly like for various reasons and who influence me: Anita Shreve, Maggie O'Farrell, Kate Atkinson, Sue Miller, Anne Tyler, Margaret Atwood, Jodi Picoult. I guess that gives you an idea of where my book is (hopefully) going...

Communicating without words

Long term readers of this blog will know that Son 2, who is severely autistic, is nonverbal. He primarily uses a combination of symbols and a few Makaton signs to communicate in a very limited fashion, usually to ask for things.

Over half term Son 2 discovered that a musical video which he used to love has been uploaded to YouTube. Now we have had many copies of this particular film over the years in both videotape and DVD format. He has eventually destroyed each one and, although it may still be available, I am not going to buy it again. So the discovery was bliss for him.

Early on Monday morning I wrote a note in his home-school book about what he'd done over half term. I explained all about his YouTube discovery (which incidentally he made himself).

Today I got a note back. When they had a class discussion about what the children had done over half term, son 2 repeatedly showed his keyworker the symbols for video and computer.

I'm so proud of him.

The best laid plans...

I thought I had the first part of this week organised. I would write today. Tomorrow I would go to a meeting followed by a supermarket trip. On Wednesday I would be teaching in Central London.

Well I had good intentions of writing today. Indeed I opened the Word document of my novel this morning. But I was too tired to focus on it. Today was my first free day after a two week half term and it's not until I finish a school holiday that it becomes physically and mentally apparent just how full-on that time caring has been This time we have also had the added bonus of daily 5am starts. I normally give myself a day or two off once Son 2 returns to school and today I found I really needed that. So I closed down Word and just played around on Twitter and Facebook instead. I also managed to colour my hair, which was desperately needed, so the day wasn't entirely wasted.

The meeting tomorrow has just been cancelled, because it is Carers Week and a lot of the other attendees are going to an event for carers. I'm not actually going to the event and will still have to do the supermarket shop, but perhaps I'll fit in some writing too.

The teaching on Wednesday is in the balance due to a proposed tube strike. I won't know until tomorrow evening if I am going or not, though obviously I will need to do the preparation and make sure I have suitable clean smart clothes.

Then on Thursday I'll be plunging into my accountancy work. The work I actually get paid to do. Despite the various changes of plan it is still going to be a busy week...

Say it in jewellery

I just love that Hazel Blears was wearing this brooch yesterday.
The lady has a sense of humour.

Britain's Got Talent...my verdict

I have to confess that this year was the first that I have watched Britain's Got Talent. I watched the first episode and like so many others, I got sucked into the Susan Boyle story and continued watching.

Now I'm quite cynical and I understand how this sort of programme works. The emphasis on back stories to arouse sympathy, the judicious editing, the hyping up of the 'chosen ones' are integral to any Simon Cowell vehicle. And we, as the audience, like to turn things on their head with our vote.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad Diversity won. I didn't actually vote, but if I had it would have been for them. They were fantastic on the night and over the series came up with three polished, witty performances. What's more, they all seem like nice, educated lads who can overturn prejudices about street culture and I hope they have a great future ahead of them.

But I felt exceptionally uncomfortable about the semi-finals and final. I felt I was being manipulated. I didn't like seeing young children in distress on live TV. And I didn't like seeing what the media has done to Susan Boyle.

Whilst I realise that nobody could have predicted the YouTube, Facebook and Twitter phenomena, the production team must have known that she had learning difficulties. It is possible that her intellectual and emotional functioning level is not much higher than that of the distraught 10 and 11 year olds who left the stage in tears. Along with learning difficulties often come mental health issues such as anger, anxiety and depression, caused by trying to cope with a world which is incomprehensibly not black and white. Somebody should have understood this and put expert support in place.

Hopefully whilst in The Priory, Susan will be helped to come to terms with what has happened to her over the last couple of months. Then I hope she will be nurtured and allowed to develop without being made into a freak show. If nothing else she deserves that.

It can't be half term again?

Well yes it is. Two weeks of it.

I have booked two playscheme days this week, but there are no playschemes next week, as everyone else will be back to school. One of the down sides of having a child in a specialist independent school.

So the only respite I can get next week are short windows of time when Son 2 can be cared for while I attend the parent support coffee mornings. I shall of course do that, as I will be craving adult conversation!

Help save Salt Publishing

You have probably all seen this elsewhere, but I thought it worth posting again, as a reminder of how we can all help out a struggling indie publisher.

Salt publish beautifully produced, quality books, specialising in collections of poetry and short stories, for which there are all too few outlets.

Chris Hamilton-Emery, who runs Salt with his wife Jen, explains the predicament in which they have found themselves here on his Salt Confidential blog.

What can we all do to help? Well, in the words of Chris:

Please buy just one book, right now. We don't mind from where, you can buy it from us or from Amazon, your local shop or megastore, online or offline. If you buy just one book now, you'll help to save Salt. Timing is absolutely everything here. We need cash now to stay afloat. If you love literature, help keep it alive. All it takes is just one book sale. Go to our online store and help us keep going.

You can visit Salt's website here.

I've bought two and spread the word. How about you?

Your project has been received...

I logged into my Open University homepage this morning to find this message awaiting me. So now there is nothing I can do except wait for the result in August. It's slightly scary to think that both a diploma and an honours degree depend upon it.

I'm worried that I wrote my project story too quickly, the words flowing for once, unlike the novel, which since writing 1000 words on Sunday has ground to a halt. I've only added another 200 words or so. It's like drawing blood from a stone except that would actually be more productive.

In my defense I did have a meeting yesterday. Well actually it was cancelled, but that threw my day into disarray. Then today I had to go to a leaving party at our special needs parent support group, for someone who is emigrating. Couldn't miss it, could I?

Now what excuse will I be able to find tomorrow?

Going quiet

Still here and all is fine. But I am somewhat distracted at present.

There is the small matter of the OU Advanced Creative Writing course to complete in the next 10 days or so. Then there are some goings on around some work I do. I'm not directly involved, but it is constantly in my thoughts. And there is a novel waiting to be written...

So don't be surprised if I don't post for a couple of weeks.

I will be back very soon.

Handbags, gladrags and laptops

It's been a strange week. On Monday evening my trusty laptop died, resolutely refusing to turn back on at all. Now that wasn't entirely a surprise, as it was old, slow, very noisy and starting to overheat. But I had hoped that it would hang on for at least another month to allow me to finish the OU course, then research and buy a new one at leisure.

Of course that was not to be and with deadlines looming, I needed a laptop fast. A quick search around the internet identified a strong possibility in John Lewis so I decided to dash down to Oxford Street on Tuesday morning. I also needed to get a new watch battery, as my watch had stopped on Monday too. Although Hubby had promised to take it to the cheap jeweller near his office, he had left for work without it.

So after quick and easy tube journey into London, my first stop in Oxford Street was for the battery. I knew there was a watch repair bar in Debenhams so I headed there. The cost was about twice as much as Hubby would have paid, but it included a voucher for a free coffee while waiting. Furthermore, the repair bar was right beside the handbag department and I never need an excuse to look at lovely bags.

Battery sorted, I headed down the road to BHS in search of a new pair of jeans, as their Petite range is a good length for me. I got what I wanted and a top which our local branch had not had in stock in my size, so I was very pleased.

Then finally to John Lewis, where I found that the Toshiba Satellite laptop I had researched did indeed seem to be the best available option within my budget and being John Lewis, they throw in a two year warranty. So computer duly purchased, I set off for home.

It has taken me several days to get everything up and running. It's my first time using Vista and Office 2007, so there were some annoying incompatabilities with old software and hardware I use. But I hope it is just about set up now. At least I had obsessively backed up my old files, so I don't think I've lost anything important and it is wonderful to type on a responsive keyboard again.

The clothes, however, were a less successful fit and will be returned to my local BHS store tomorrow. Hubby and the bank manager will be relieved.

The Apprentice

Well, after yesterday's Budget we all know for certain that this country is in a huge financial mess. And then we watch wannabe future leaders of industry on reality TV and all becomes clear...

Pants Man?! Bright green cereal packaging they didn't even get round to designing? And to top it all, a self-combusting team with two apparent passengers and not the slightest spark of creativity amongst any of the members.

It's difficult to pick potential finalists this year. Debra is manipulative, Ben too pushy and Philip a bulldozing bully. The there's Lorraine, who seems like a fish out of water. I'm quite liking Kate, she did well yesterday.

But at the end of the day The Apprentice is compulsive viewing, one of the few programmes we all watch together in this house...

Day tripping

Yesterday I travelled into central London to have lunch with the lovely Helen, who is my hard-working co-editor at bookersatz. We had only met in person once before, very briefly, so it was great to have a long leisurely meal on a sunny terrace in Islington, chatting about lots of writerly things and life in general. Sadly I had to leave all too soon in order to get home for the school bus, but I hope we'll be able to do it again in the not too distant future.

Today I spent much nearer to home, catching up on the phone and then over coffee with local friends I hadn't seen during the school holidays.

So tomorrow, in order not to have a guilt trip, I will have to get on with my writing. My novel and final OU assignment ( a 4000 word story plus commentary) await me...

Substance over style

I was tidying up last Saturday and half watching Britain's got Talent at the same time, when this stopped me in my tracks.

In an age where everyone seems obsessed by appearance and designer goods, it was lovely to see someone turn prejudices upside down and inside out. Susan Boyle has made the news, rocked America and at the time of writing has over 12 million hits on YouTube.

It is too early to predict whether she will win the series but she is already a star and the pound signs were almost visible in Simon Cowell's eyes as he listened. Yes, of course she would benefit from a little makeover, but as an unemployed person she won't have been able to afford to pamper herself in the past. What really counts is that she has personality and huge talent, unlike most of the bland celebrities we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

It made me think about my own friends who, like me, are mostly very ordinary. I realised that the ones I get on with best and to whom I would entrust my children and my life, are those slightly older friends from a 'make-do and mend' generation, who have no interest in fashion fads and can run their households on a tight budget, within their financial means. They might not have designer homes and wardrobes, but they are selfless and freely give their time and energy to help others. They are the ones who have stuck by us during a few very difficult years when others disappeared. One in particular has literally been a lifesaver.

It may be a generational thing, but give me substance over style any day.

Amazon antics

There appears to be something nasty going on at Amazon.

If you haven't already picked up on this via Facebook or Twitter, then Anne's article will explain the apparent censorship far better than I can.

Read, read, read

How Publishing Really Works is a blog I always enjoy for its perceptive views on writing and the publishing industry.

Today's post on the importance of reading is spot on. Whilst I do think writing can be taught, at least to an extent, reading widely and in more than one genre is also critical to both new and experienced writers. A taught course or even a how-to book will inevitably reflect the personal views and style of the teacher. However, a depth of reading will introduce writers to a huge array of styles and subject matter, which can improve their own work as they discover what works for them as a reader.

So get books for free in the library, buy them cheaply in a charity shop. Experiment with books you would never normally choose. If you don't like them by all means give up, but not before you've worked out what you don't like. It can only improve your own work.

Don't forget autism

Today is World Autism Awareness Day.

Of course there are lots of other things happening in the UK. The G20 Summit and the accompanying protests in Central London are considered far more newsworthy, so there is perhaps only a slim chance of seeing a representative of The National Autistic Society on TV or radio today.

But the world financial situation will impact on autism. There are already far too few services for people on the autistic spectrum, particularly adults and those of all ages at the more able end of the spectrum. The hugely increasing national debt resulting from bailing out the banks will inevitably lead to a further squeezing of funding for public services and some existing schemes are likely to suffer or be lost altogether. Many services are run by charities who are also suffering in the current economic climate.

The current rate of diagnosis is around one child in a hundred, but as no comprehensive records have been kept nobody actually seems to know how many people in this country have autism. It's a demographic time bomb of vulnerable people needing help and support and it is difficult to see where the money for that help is going to come from.

Don't forget people with autism today.

Word counts

I've just updated the word count for my novel and am amazed to find I have now written 31%, that's nearly a third of it completed! I don't update the counter daily or even weekly, but perhaps I should, it's a great motivator.

If I add the words I'm writing on my novel to those written for my OU course, then it doesn't look too unproductive. We are in the finishing straight of the course now and I'm looking forward to being able to concentrate on the novel and perhaps even eventually write some shorter pieces to submit to print or online magazines.

Anyway this coming week is an OU week, another assignment due in on Friday. It has been worth it, I am improving my skills all the time and it will be lovely to hopefully come out at the other end with a formal diploma in literature and creative writing as well as another degree. But it will also be nice, just for a while, to be able to write freely on the novel and not within the tight word limit constraints of the academic course.

Science exams

A report has just come out saying that GCSE science exams have been devalued. This comes as no surprise at all. In the last couple of months I have heard the following:

AS Level students in Son 1's old school, a science college no less, having to be sent on a crash course elsewhere to learn the basics of Chemistry that they need to tackle the subject at the higher level.

A university lecturer in a medical related subject saying that even post A level students come up to university with sufficient in depth knowledge and have to take additional classes to bring them up to scratch.

Son 1 hasn't taken science GCSE yet. But I am reliably informed by other parents that were he to sit the new double-weighted Combined Science exam tomorrow, with no preparation, he could easily pass just on general knowledge gleaned over the years from the Discovery Channel.

I'm no scientist, but it's really not good enough, is it?

On Mother's Day...

RIP Jade Goody.

I've never been a fan, but no one deserves to die of cancer at the age of 27. And no children should lose their mother at such a tender age, especially not on Mother's Day. In her last days Jade used her 'celebrity' status to provide for their future and no one can blame her for that. She showed an unexpected dignity to put OK Magazine to shame and has left the legacy of an increased awareness of cervical cancer in young women. Hopefully she will be remembered for that and her courage in tackling the illness, rather than some of the less savoury episodes in her life.

To Julie Myerson I would like to say that many teenagers are confused, lazy and have habits we would rather not know about. Some may even have more deep-rooted problems which need appropriate specialist intervention. With the right support, however, even the most troubled can turn their lives around successfully, but the impetus to start this process has to come from them. The path they choose to move forward on may not be the one we would have chosen but it doesn't necessarily make it wrong.

Tough love is not always the best approach, especially with a child who is legally a minor. Washing dirty linen in public is definitely not. It might have been better to wait and fictionalise the experience when it is all less raw. I hope you have a second chance, though if this is correct, it would seem unlikely.

The Secret

Yes, I know I'm years behind the rest of the world on this.

I was given a copy of the book The Secret a couple of years ago. I had a quick flick through it and realised that it was just the Law of Attraction, as promoted by Oprah Winfrey, Noel Edmonds and many others, packaged up in a glossy pseudo-historic manner to attempt to appeal to fans of The Da Vinci Code. Unconvinced, I put the book away, but for some obscure reason I picked it up again last weekend and read a bit more.

I have no problem with most of The Law of Attraction. It encourages positive thinking, which is a good thing and the foundation of CBT, which is scientifically proven to work. On the whole The Law of Attraction is harmless and little different to the traditional use of prayer, though I am still not convinced that just asking the Universe for something will bring it, unless you put in some personal effort too. After all, the Universe is not going to get my novel published unless I finish writing it first, is it?

The part of The Secret that I really didn't like, however, was the premise that if something bad happens, it does so because you have been thinking about it and negative thoughts attract negative occurences. Now to me that is psychologically dangerous...the truth is that in life bad things often happen to good people for no reason at all, not because they have thought or done anything to attract them. For that reason I do have my doubts about the whole package.

BUT.

Last night Hubby, out of the blue, commented that we hadn't heard from a friend for a very long time. The husband of my old university friend who died of cancer, we care very much about him and his daughters. Remembering that he had sent a new email address and not sure if I had saved it properly, I said I would have a look today and if I couldn't find it I would post a letter to him instead.

This morning I opened our inbox to find an email from that very same friend, apologising for not being in touch for so long.

A coincidence, or the Law of Attraction in action?

Support Red Nose Day

One of my children has been lucky enough to receive help from a project funded by Comic Relief, so I am now even more of a fan of Red Nose Day.

This year why not buy a copy of TwitterTitters, a charity book of funny stories which was organised through Twitter to support Comic Relief. It even contains stories by two of my lovely fellow Novel Racers and blog friends, Calistro and Lane. Why not have a laugh and support a good cause at the same time?

TwitterTitters can be purchased here and we have a great review over on bookersatz.

Literary loss

I was sad when I read this report about the collapse of an archive building in the German city of Cologne and with it, the expected loss of the archives of the writer Heinrich Boll (apologies for lack of the Umlaut but writing his name as Boell just doesn't look right!)

Now this probably won't mean anything to most of my readers. But for me it holds all sorts of memories. Cologne is a city on the Rhine, famous for its cathedral and of course, Eau de Cologne. It is also the city where, when I lived in Germany, I had to change trains on every journey to and from the UK.

Heinrich Boll was a notable post-war German writer. Many of his works chronicled how ordinary Germans coped in the aftermath of the war, in the painful period of rebuilding and trying to come to terms with the past. One of his books was a slim volume called (in English), The Bread of Those Early Years. A simple and moving love story, set in one day, it uses the leitmotif of colour symbolism to great effect. It was part of my German A Level syllabus and made a huge impact on me. I still have a copy, in German, on my book shelf.

Perhaps his most famous book, The Lost Honour of Katharina Blum, chronicled how the tabloid press can destroy lives, by stirring false suspicions in a time of paranoia about terrorism. Writtten in 1974, its subject matter could equally be relevant today. I studied that book, and the film adaptation, on my degree course.

Although Boll was perhaps never significantly well known in the UK, he was hugely influential in his own country and won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1972. The probable loss of all his private papers and unpublished work is a tragedy.

I feel a need to revisit his books soon. I wonder if my German is up to it?

Coffee mornings

Oh dear, another week has passed with no blog post. I've been busy catching up after the half term and there was really nothing to say.

I may have forgotten to tell you that I finished the OU Introduction to Counselling course a few weeks ago. The official results will be out later this month but, as there was no exam element, I already know I will have passed.

It was an interesting course and parts of it will be very relevant to my voluntary work at the support group coffee mornings I have helped run for many years. Although we are all volunteers, we represent a major national charity and therefore we have to be as professional as possible. The listening skills learned on a counselling course, even a largely academic distance learning course as mine was, are invaluable. It is not rocket science, these are just the basic communication skills that many of us will have been taught as part of employment over the years, but a refresher is always timely.

We don't pretend to be trained counsellors, we are not. In any case, our branch can also offer a proper counselling service with a professional counsellor for those who need it. But we have to be able to listen to parents who are often distraught after receiving a diagnosis of autism for their child. We have to be able to offer practical information without seeming patronising. We have to forget that we have answered the same questions so many times in the past and not lose patience. We have to remember not to keep bringing the conversation back to our own child. We have to make our members, especially newcomers, feel welcome and to do so we have to gently discourage cliques and attention hogging.

It can be hard to support others when you are going through difficult times yourself. The experience in our small team is that at any particular time at least one of us will be dealing with some sort of family crisis or transition. At these times we may step back and let others cover to allow a breathing space. But because we believe we offer a valuable service, most of us return. I took last year off and just attended the meetings to receive support myself, but I'm back doing more this year.

If I can help just one other parent, it is worth the effort.

Following on ...

...from yesterday, I like this article by Libby Purves.

School was back today, after a week of half term and three staff training days. So how did I arrange to spend the day? Attending a National Autistic Society branch committee meeting this morning and giving a talk to parents of newly diagnosed children this evening!

Brightening a sad day

Today has been a sad one in the world of special needs and I would like to send my condolences to David and Samantha Cameron on the death of their beautiful son Ivan. The loss of a child is something no parent should have to bear and as someone said on an internet forum today, we will all be hugging our children a little closer tonight.

But the day has been brightened a little by receiving this Best Blog Thinker award from Sue Guiney. Thanks Sue!



Now it is my turn to pass it on. As my blog is about both special needs and writing I would like to pass it on to bloggers representing both areas. So firstly I give it to Casdok at Mother of Shrek, for probably the best blog on autism I have read. Secondly I would like to give it to Graeme K. Talboys at grumblog, whose wisdom has influenced my writing over the last couple of years more than he probably realises.

When is inclusion not inclusion?

According to the Daily Mail, the BBC has received nine complaints about new CBeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell, who has part of one arm missing from a birth defect. The complaining parents apparently claim that she frightens their children, but what are they doing to take this wonderful opportunity to educate their children in diversity and disability? Nothing, it appears, except pass on their own prejudices.

Disability is a fact of life. For far too many years it was hidden away, but we have moved way beyond that. The education system in the UK positively encourages integration. In any school in the country you will find children with disabilities, both obvious and hidden. So these toddlers who are being 'frightened' will encounter disability elsewhere soon enough. Children are very accepting, they usually only need the simplest of explanations that another is different. It is so often the adults who are not understanding.

The BBC does a good job of showing disability, from Something Special and Balamory on CBeebies, through various mainstream disabled journalists and presenters...Frank Gardner and Gary Donoghue on the BBC news, Ade Adepitan on CBBC to name just a few. None of these appear to be there as a form of PC tokenism, but rather on account of their ability to do the job well. I know, from having met staff who run the CBeebies website, that they also have a strong commitment to make it as disability friendly as possible and welcome suggestions to improve it.

Back in the 1960's my father, as Head of a tiny, three teacher village school, appointed a teacher with one arm. He realised right from the start that there might possibly be one or two things this man would find hard. But he had a track record as a teacher, he was even able to teach football which my dyspraxic father couldn't, in fact there was very little he couldn't manage. The children were not in the least frightened or traumatised and it must have taught the children of that isolated rural community a very important lesson on diversity.

The BBC must continue to show and praise disability. Perhaps it should also make some programmes to educate those ignorant parents too.

Update: The BBC has a very perceptive piece on the whole storm in a teacup here.

Oscar, Oscar x 8

What a fantastic evening for the Brits at the Academy Awards last night. Success at last for Kate Winslet, but most of all Slumdog Millionaire sweeping the board.

Although I've not seen the movie we have a special interest, because Dev Patel, one of the stars, is a local lad who went to the same schools as son 1. What an amazing role model, showing that an ordinary kid can achieve huge success, just a couple of years after leaving school.

In other news, Hubby and son 1 are both ill with chest infections, and in Hubby's case a sinus infection too. We even had to take son 1 to the out of hours doctor at the weekend, as he has had so many chest infections in the last six months and had hardly recovered from the last severe one. I'm sneezing and son 2 has yet to succumb...

Family planning

So how do you decide how many children to have?

A report on the BBC website suggests that parents should take the future of our planet into consideration when planning the size of their family.

But that is probably not top of most people's agenda. The majority of my friends have one or two children, either by choice or medical necessity. But I have other friends and acquaintances with three, four or even five kids. They do say that after the second child, another makes little difference.

I loved having a baby in the house and I have to admit that after son 2 was born I instinctively wanted another. But Hubby was adamant that we stick to two, as we'd always agreed. There were of course many good reasons for this. A third child would have necessitated a bigger car, a bigger house, a bigger mortgage, not to mention increased day to day running costs of another to feed and clothe.

But above all there were other practical reasons I could not ignore. I knew from a very early age that all was not well with son 2. By the time we might have been thinking about another pregnancy, we were already caught up in assessments and appointments and his behaviour at home would have endangered a baby. So another pregnancy would have to be postponed until he started school, by which time I would not be far off 40. Although genetic counselling told us the risk of another child with autism was only around 6%, a 40 year old who has already had two premature births is not a good prospect for a healthy full term delivery.

It was actually the fear of another premature birth which put me off the idea for good, because I knew I could not go through the trauma of a critically sick newborn again. It is only recently that I have felt able to write about that time of my life. Some of you may have seen my poem here. And I have decided to do a piece of life writing on son 1's earliest days for my next OU assignment.

I may have conquered those baby demons at last.

Babies having babies

A lot has been written over the last few days about the baby born to a fifteen year old mother and allegedly fathered by a thirteen year old. Most people, quite rightly, find the whole scenario rather shocking.

Teenage pregnancy is nothing new of course. I can well remember the scandal in the very small town where I grew up, when one of my classmates dropped out of school at fifteen to have a baby. The UK currently has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in Western Europe, so something is going wrong somewhere.

What I have found so scary about this particular case is that the girl's parents apparently allowed boys to sleep with her, in their home, when she was clearly legally under age. Not just one, but allegedly at least three.

Now we can't always control what our teenagers are doing outside the house, but we can within our own walls. I don't claim to be a perfect parent, indeed I doubt that one exists. But parents need to know how to set and enforce boundaries, otherwise how else do kids learn to be responsible members of society?

There are many parenting courses available, in fact before Christmas I attended one on parenting teenagers, run by a local voluntary organisation. The sad thing was that everyone who attended the course was in fact already a good parent, simply striving to be even better. The sort of parents who really need such help wouldn't attend, however much social workers or other agencies refer them.

Next week I am going to be speaking to parents on a course based around understanding autism. The same thing applies, the parents who attend the course are the good ones, who want to learn how to understand and help their child. But what about the others, and how might a young teenager cope with a child with autism?

Write what you know...

...is the conventional wisdom.

I know that my own writing is definitely strongest when it is based on this principle, because even when fictionalising the material the emotional truth shines through.

I am now faced with deciding what to write for the next OU assignment, which is a very big one in terms of the overall assessment marks. We can choose from fiction, life writing or poetry. So having discounted poetry as far too risky, I am left with a choice of the other two.

I am lucky enough to have experienced plenty of possible material in my life. But do I go with life writing or do I create fiction from my own experience?

Answers on a postcard please.

A nasty shock

The snow last week seems to have done something to my brain. Or my memory.

I looked on the calendar this morning and realised, to my horror, that next week is half term. Now it only seems a few days ago that son 2 went back to school after Christmas and of course having him home for three days last week seemed almost like a holiday anyway, certainly to him. So, another week off. And three inset days immediately afterwards.

I've got piles of work to do...OU assignments, the novel, some additional voluntary work and some other important stuff. And very little time to do it.

Time to stick my head in the sand, I think.

Lisa - an inspiration

I've blogged before about how the early death of one of my dearest friends from cancer gave me the motivation to start writing, to try to realise my dreams before it is too late.

Now I have another reason. Yesterday Lisa Ratcliffe, one of the Novel Racers, lost her exceptionally brave fight against cancer.

Unlike many of the group I had not had the opportunity to meet Lisa in person, something I regret very much. But I regularly followed her inspirational blog. I often lurked because, during a time of my own family crises, I just could not always find the right words to support her as she tackled her illness with such optimism, still finding time to enjoy life to the full. That is something I also regret, though Lisa knew my thoughts were with her.

In her final blog post, just a week ago, Lisa sent out a vital message: writers - write! It is one I intend to follow.

A JustGiving page, to raise money for Cancer Research UK in Lisa's name, has been set up here.

Snow, snow, go away...

The sun is shining today, as it was yesterday. Quite a lot of the snow has melted, but there is still plenty left.The side roads and pavements are treacherously icy.

Life in London, however, is getting back to normal. The buses got back on the road yesterday. The tube lines were all running a good service when I checked this morning. After taking the tube yesterday, Hubby decided to drive today and I presume he got there, as I haven't heard otherwise. He needs to be there as the credit crunch is biting the business very hard, indeed there are very real fears it may not survive this month.

Son 1 is back at college. The college officially opened late morning yesterday, he went in specially for one class, only to find it cancelled. Today he hasn't come home, so I guess the class is running.

Son 2 is still at home. We will hear today whether his school is reopening tomorrow. There are special circumstances surrounding the closure of his specialist school...extra health and safety concerns regarding severely autistic kids with no sense of danger and also the fact that most of them have long bus/taxi journeys to get to the school from all over London and the Home Counties. We live 12 miles away and are probably one of the families closest to the school.

So it is a strange week. I should be writing, but can't with son 2 to keep a close eye on. I am too scared to drive to the supermarket in the evening, but thankfully just a couple of weeks ago a Tesco Express opened within walking distance.

They say we may get more snow in the next few days. I just hope normal service will be resumed soon.

Update: The school has just called to say that it has now been risk assessed, so he can go back tomorrow, as long as the council runs the transport. If it's not safe for the school bus, then it's not safe for me to attempt either!

Snow

So it rarely snows in London. But when it does, the city grinds to a halt.

This was the scene outside my front door at about 8am this morning. Son 1's college is closed today. Son 2's school is closed for at least three days. Hubby is at home too, because it is not safe to drive the 14 miles into Central London on what is a very hilly route, the tube station is shut and there are no buses running in the whole of London.

And spotted in our garden early this morning was a fox, knee deep in snow and looking very pissed off...

A study interlude

Yet again more than a week has passed. But I have been busy, honest.

In that time two OU assignments have been written and submitted. Then on Saturday I attended a day school for the writing course which was stimulating and felt far too short. My mind is now buzzing with ideas for our final big piece of assessed work. Most of those who attended on Saturday met up again on Monday to continue informally. Sadly I couldn't make it, but they kindly looked over my work and fed back to me by email

I have also been glued to the BBC new channel, Obama watching. So far, so good. The same can be said for Son 1's college attendance.

Three notable things:

1. The death of John Updike has provoked a flurry of tributes. I haven't read any of his novels, though I do remember really enjoying a story I read relatively recently. I think it was online but I can't remember where, so that's not much help. Sorry.

2. I have rediscovered my Nintendo DS which had laid dormant for may months. I enjoy doing word puzzles on it but I also now have this. Not a Sony reader, sure, but actually quite readable in small doses.

3. Another birthday has passed, without too much fuss.

Notes to Obama: Maya Angelou

I don't usually post twice in a day but I have just found this and, like the writer herself, it is inspirational.

Positivity

Yesterday was supposed to be 'Blue Monday', allegedly the most miserable day of the year. In a world which is teetering on the edge of financial chaos, where people are losing jobs every day, the title seemed very apt.

I was brought up by parents who are prone to anxiety and negativity and I know I have inherited a tendency towards those traits too. However much I try to be a positive person, I can never quite stop the negative thoughts encroaching.

But today there are things to celebrate.

Barack Obama is to be inaugurated as the first black President of America. The world has high hopes. Even though it is unlikely he will be able to meet all those expectations, just the fact that history is being made is enough to start with. He has a huge job ahead of him, but his calm demeanour suggests he may just be up to it.

On a more personal level, yesterday Son 1 started college, the first time he has been able to access formal education for three years. Right up to the last minute I wasn't sure he would manage it, he had hardly slept at all for two weeks due to anxiety. But when the moment came he seemed quite calm, he went off on his own and we are very proud of him. Another small step on the way to reaching his goal.

If you need proof that staying calm and positive is good for you, here it is.

I'm going to try hard to follow the advice.

Computer says no

I had a true Little Britain moment earlier this week.

Last summer we lost our child benefit for son 1, because he was over 16 and attending a mental health provision with no educational element, rather than being back in school or college. I suppose he could have claimed incapacity benefit, but we didn't suggest it, not wanting him to start off adult life feeling that he has no need to study or support himself. We were very clear that we would claim child benefit again as soon as he went back to education.

He is due to start college next Monday so this week I phoned the Child Benefit office to give them the information and ask for the benefit to be reinstated from next week.

'Oh I can't take the details now. Phone back next week when he starts.'

'Can't you just take the information now, as I am on the phone?'

'The computer won't let me enter it this week. Have you got all the course details?'

'Yes, here right in front of me.'

'You'll have to phone back next week please. I can't enter them on the computer now.'

Argh!

Three notable things:

1. A lovely dinner out last night.

2. Knowing that my car is safely through its MOT for another year.

3. Catching up with an old friend today and arranging to meet another very soon.

The Daily Mail strikes again

The Mail loves to write about autism. Sometimes their articles are well balanced but more often they are stirring up even more hysteria over the MMR or promoting the latest 'cure'.

A friend has just led me to this. The article itself and the comments show what a wide range of views there are.

No, having an autistic child does not ruin your life. It profoundly changes it, certainly, in ways you might never have expected. You often do have to lower your expectations of what your lifestyle might be. But it is not that usual for both parents to have to give up work to look after the child. There is help out there in the form of specialist schools, many of which are residential, respite care from social services, foster care...

But these things don't just fall into your lap. Parents have to be proactive, above all they have to fight for what they need. It's hard when you are worn out, but it is worth the effort. When Son 2 was small I knew that if I could just get him into the right school our lives would be so much easier. With help I fought, I won, we have been supported. I started to work voluntarily for our local autism charity to help develop playschemes and other services, all of which we as a family have benefited from. My son hasn't ruined his grandparents lives, they live far away so rarely see him and we don't make demands of them. My husband has always worked, usually 12 hours a day, to support us and we deal with this on our own.

Of course every child on the autistic spectrum is different because they are a fascinating blend of varying degrees of autism with their underlying personality. For example my son displays quite different traits to Casdok's and is much less able than Crystal Jigsaw's daughter, yet we have all had to fight for what they need. There is no child who cannot be found care and an education, even if it means moving out of the family home. Often difficult autistic children blossom in the consistency of the 24 hour curriculum in a residential setting which understands their needs. Others do better at home. There is no right or wrong.

There are many journalists and writers out there who write about their personal experiences of parenting autism. Nick Hornby, his ex-wife Virginia Bovell, Charlotte Moore and many more. When they write they are honest, but above all their love for their children shines through, just as it does on so many blogs.

This piece, however, is written by an outsider, someone who just sees a child as a burden, as a barrier to a certain way of life. A child who, if a test had been available, should have been aborted.

(PS I haven't written yet about Simon Baron-Cohen's view that a antenatal test for autism is on the way, because I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Watch this space.)

Hmm...

So a Labour MP says that dyslexia is 'a cruel fiction leading to crime'?

Son 1 has relatively mild, but very real, specific learning difficulties, mainly affecting his ability to write, spell and generally express himself on paper. I had raised queries for many years before two teachers at middle school finally backed me up and agreed there was a problem. So we had him privately tested and a couple of years of extra input, both in school and with a specialist private tutor, helped enormously. But he is still not confident with writing and his ability in this area does not reflect his overall level of intelligence and functioning.

High school didn't recognise his need and took him off the special needs register. His school career subsequently went belly up, though not entirely from that cause. He is not a criminal, in fact quite the opposite, his anxiety makes him exceptionally law abiding. I do, however, know other children with dyslexia who have got themselves into trouble, largely because they too have been badly failed by their teachers and became totally disenchanted with education.

Son 1 started reception class in 1996. The Labour government came into power in 1997. An own goal?

Three notable things:

1. I am constantly amazed by how I see all of life through my internet contacts.

2. The slow job of decluttering has begun. Bags of clothing are being sorted for the charity shop.

3. Son 1 has taken a temporary part time job helping on a scheme for younger teenagers who are experiencing difficulties in life. We are so proud of him.

Dementia

So, I now have a mother-in-law with diagnosed Alzheimers and a mother with some sort of early dementia, as yet unspecified.

My father accompanied my mum to the GP on Tuesday and discovered that what my mother had reported back from a phone conversation before Christmas, ie that her difficulties would not get any worse, is incorrect. Was that incomprehension ( most likely) or denial?

Anyway they are going to need some support, albeit from a distance. My dad is, quite correctly, wanting my mum to maintain her routines and keep as independent as possible, but it is clear that the deficits she has suffered in language skills make social communication and even things like shopping difficult at times.

Now that is when the penny dropped. Her difficulties now are not so different to autism and therefore the sort of strategies we all use for our autistic kids, such as regular routines, visual timetables and alternative means of communication can all come into play. She occasionally gets very confused about what day it is, so I just suggested that they actively cross each day off on a calendar, so that the next morning she can see clearly the day of the week. Simple, yes. Obvious, well yes, but perhaps not if you are in the middle of it. My dad found a suitable calendar yesterday and started straight away. I think he will need to be bringing his skills as a former primary school teacher back into practice. Let's hope it helps.

If anyone has experience or tips on helping a relative with dementia, I'd be really interested to hear.

Three notable things:

1. The GP said Son 1 has 'the worst chest infection he had heard for a long time'. Strong antibiotics and inhalers were prescribed and seem to be starting to work.

2. Pressing on with the novel, slowly but surely. The words are coming in short bursts rather than a steady flow.

3. A much better mark for my second OU writing assignment, a film script. Hooray!

Jett Travolta

The news emerged last night that Jett Travolta, the teenage son of John Travolta and Kelly Preston, had died tragically on a family vacation, apparently from a seizure.

There has been much rumour over the years as to Jett's condition and true diagnosis. Not being a huge celebrity watcher myself, I couldn't be bothered to follow up all the Google links this morning, but Kristina Chew, (formerly of Autism Vox, one of my favourite autism blogs) has tackled the subject in her usual balanced manner here on her new blog.

Does it matter whether Jett had autism or not? Well, yes and no. I can absolutely understand a family wanting to keep their child's privacy. Yet at the same time a public acknowledgement, even if it is just to say yes, my child has the condition but we don't wish to sell the story, can help other parents.

When a child is diagnosed with any disability or serious medical condition, families can feel very isolated. Just knowing you are not alone, that even celebrities have children with similar problems, can be comforting. It can help parents get past the denial which is a normal part of coming to terms with the situation, the grieving process for the child you once expected.

Awareness raising is another factor. Again this might be through formal interviews or autobiographies, but it could equally just be by being an active role model. We all have our own levels of how much we want to disclose about our family lives. I feel comfortable in talking about son 2 on here, but as I'm sure you are aware, you read the edited version. My novel is tackling the subject in another way, by combining elements of our story together with things I have learnt from others and by adding in a huge amount of situational fiction. The emotional truth will be told, but in a different way.

I wonder how much more, if anything, the Travolta family will eventually disclose? It is, of course, absolutely their right to keep Jett's life and death private, yet at the same time they could in due course celebrate his life by sharing and helping others.

But in the meantime my sympathies are with them for their sad loss.

The festive season in review

Actually it wasn't too bad. No one was ill over Christmas, though Son 1 has just broken our run of good health by coming down with a very nasty cough virus yesterday ( and no, it isn't due to too much partying, though he did that too!)

Not putting up decorations meant that home seemed normal for Son 2, though I felt that this year he had more understanding of other family Christmas traditions. For the first time ever he decided to try the turkey and couldn't get enough of it. He also opened all of his presents on Christmas Day rather being distracted by the first one or two and ignoring all the rest. However he decided to get up between 5.30 and 6am every morning until today, when Son 1 was up and needing me to find medication at 4.15am...

We have had four playscheme days, which has helped enormously as Hubby and Son 1 have been working over the holiday period. I have introduced Son 2 to YouTube, but he is so adept at navigating around I think he must have already used it at school. We have bookmarked a few starting points and he is discovering videos of old kids TV programmes. Currently we are being treated ad nauseam to 'Barney in Concert' which we had on both video and CD years ago. Eek.

Three notable things:

1. I managed to be very restrained when I visited the sales, though I have bought a couple of new warm sweaters online.

2. Taking a quick breather from OU study, though I shall have to restart in earnest next week.

3. Deciding not to invite my sister's family down for the day. Our house is just not spacious enough for an extra four big people as well as Son 2. We'll invite them in the summer instead and pray it doesn't rain...