World Autism Awareness Day

As most of my readers know, autism is a subject close to our hearts. I've lived with autism for 17 years now and worked with autism for 10 years, as a volunteer for the National Autistic Society, helping to support other families in our area and set up local services. Over the years I've tried to raise awareness of autism by writing about some of our experiences with Son 2 here on the blog, my first novel has autism as a central theme and I've given talks to parents and professionals. Autism awareness is a powerful tool in the fight for understanding and acceptance and I've tried to make use of it.

Today, World Autism Awareness Day, I'd like to direct you to two other blogs, written by friends I've made in the blogosphere. Although she doesn't blog often now, Casdok's blog Mother of Shrek is some of the most powerful writing I know on the joys and challenges of living with a young person who has severe autism. Please go back and read the archives if you are not familiar with it.

Crystal Jigsaw's blog celebrates her daughter Amy, who is living what must be an idyllic childhood for a person with autism, on a farm. The author of this blog, Kathryn Brown, has just had a novel, Discovery at Rosehill, published and for April is donating all profits on the book to the National Autistic Society in celebration of autism awareness. I've already read the lovely sample on my Kindle and am going back to download the full book. Full details of where to buy the book in print or ebook format are here.

As a family we have received tremendous benefit from the work of the National Autistic Society, as Son 2 has been educated in two of their their specialist schools since the age of four. But most families are not lucky enough to have that level of support, they are fighting for help in a world that does not yet truly understand the differences of autism or make allowances for them. Anything we can do to raise awareness, however small it might be, has to help.

The river of stones book

I've just realised that I neglected to tell you that the river of stones book, pay attention: a river of stones has been published (sorry, Fiona and Kaspa).

The book is available here in both paper and pdf ebook formats. I've been enjoying dipping into it and spotting the contributions of online friends, as well as my own stone. There's going to be a new river project in July, all details can be found on the blog or the Writing Our Way Home forum.

Hello sunshine

I was at the doctor before Christmas asking about some symptoms which I thought might be multiple sclerosis related. In passing I happened to mention that my mood was low. I didn't feel truly depressed, didn't want or need medication, yet I still felt not quite right and mood disorders can be a hidden symptom of MS, so I thought it was worth highlighting.

The doctor asked if I ever suffered from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I said no, because I'd never been aware of any connection between my mood and the seasons before. But now that the sun is out and the weather is becoming milder, I'm beginning to see there probably is a connection.

Like most people with MS I don't cope well in the heat, indeed both of my identified relapses have been in the summer. But almost two years on from diagnosis I can also recognise that I get far more stiffness and pain in the winter, that probably I function less well overall. This winter I've struggled to blog at all and I largely lost interest in social media, preferring just to lurk and only occasionally post because I was finding a number of people and conversational topics on Twitter upsetting. Don't worry, the problem was mine, not yours.

But with the appearance of the sun my mood has lightened. I've also started to take more vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, but that deserves a blog post all of its own one day. I'm at my best in the spring and autumn, I must make the most of it.

Pausing for breath

Apologies for the lack of posts in the last week. There was a reason for this, I wanted the Authors for Japan post to stay at the top of the blog until the auction finished. Not being in a position to either donate or bid, my only contribution to that very worthy cause could be to use social media to raise awareness in my own limited way. The auction finished last night, having raised an amazing total of £10962.25, so huge congratulations to Keris and her team of helpers.

I'm still doing little actual writing, as we are struggling with Son 2's lack of sleep and the knock-on effects on our own health. I'm feeling a little brain dead, to be honest, so I'm using any time I do have to do a little more background reading for novel two, some of it in German! I also hope to get novel one out to a few more agents either later this week or next. I've had some very positive feedback on my writing, but it isn't the light commercial fiction which agents and publishers seem to be looking for right now. I still have many options to try, so I'm far from giving up, but I think having a few weeks off to take stock has been healthy.

Onwards and upwards.

Authors for Japan

I've known Keris Stainton online for several years now and have been constantly inspired by both her writing and her enthusiasm. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she felt compelled to do something to help alleviate the current suffering in Japan following the earthquake and tsunami.

But what she has achieved in just a few days is mind-blowing. Authors for Japan is an auction where readers can bid for signed books, manuscript critiques and even the chance to have a character named after them in an author's next book. Some items will appeal especially to writers, others to anyone who loves books. All the above, and many more goodies, have been donated by the huge number of authors of adult and children's/young adult books who responded to Keris' plea for help.

Authors for Japan is currently listing 150 items. Bidding starts at 8am GMT today (15th March) and will end at 8pm GMT on Sunday 20th, full details of how to bid are on the website. All proceeds are to go to the British Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal.

What are you waiting for?

Feeling grateful

The last few weeks have been difficult, to say the least. On top of the ongoing financial worries, we are having to start planning for son 2's future, for a change which will be very difficult for all of us. As might be expected in these uncertain times the goalposts keep moving and we fully expect that to be the case for the next two and a half years. As part of the process we have had to open up our home and our lives to the scrutiny of social services, something which is never easy, even though we have nothing to hide and indeed got praise for what we have achieved with son 2.

But sitting here in front of the BBC News Channel, watching pictures of the tsunami sweeping in across Japan and listening to warnings for the whole Pacific area, I realise that for all the difficulties that the UK is facing at the moment, we have so much to be grateful for.

My thoughts are with everyone affected by the earthquake in Japan and the tsunami.

More about the small stones

For me the river of stones project run in January was a great success, which got me back into the routine of closely observing my environment and writing a little every day (you can see all my small stones here under the label aros).

So I was delighted to hear recently that one of the small stones I submitted for the forthcoming anthology has been accepted. Interestingly, the selected piece (from 23rd January, if you're interested) was only my second favourite of the ten I sent in, which just goes to prove the point that we all look for something different in creative work!

Fiona Robyn, who set up the whole river of stones project with Kaspa, has just published a related ebook. I've already downloaded it and it looks fascinating. You can find the ebook here.

And finally, a new writing community has been set up for those interested in using writing as a way of connecting with the world. The Writing Our Way Home group can be found here and I've joined. It's so nice to be reminded sometimes that there is more to writing than just commercialism.

The death of a bookshop

On Saturday I wandered, possibly for the last time, into our local branch of British Bookshops. It's a shop I've browsed in almost weekly, a shop in which I've purchased not only books, but cards, magazines, stationery and craft materials. It's closing down later this week and a crowd was picking over the discounted stock.

Further up the street a more recent arrival, crammed with what appears to be mainly remaindered books, is also announcing impending closure. In the village a few miles up the road one of the two independent booksellers closed some time ago to make way for a coffee shop. The remaining bookshop is tiny and whilst it is no doubt good for ordering books, somehow I don't find it inviting for browsing. There's not enough choice.

That, I suspect is the key to this. We've all become used the the huge choice of the online booksellers, to getting exactly what we want rather than what happens to be in stock or what we've heard of. Through Amazon we can even peek inside many books or download a sample on to a Kindle, we can try before we buy just like we can in a bricks and mortar shop, but in the comfort of our own homes.

As a student I worked in a bookshop and I know that experienced booksellers are incredibly helpful and knowledgeable. But I wonder if the online community is gradually taking over that role via social media. My own Twitter stream is crammed with tweets by readers, writers, bookshops and publishers and I regularly read book blogs and other reviews. Because I now find shopping more physically difficult I'm increasingly reading books I see recommended, rather than random discoveries in a shop. I used to love Borders before its demise in the UK, but I'm no longer sure I want to walk around such a big store. My shopping has become more targeted.

We can still buy books here. We have WH Smith and a small branch of Waterstone's and perhaps, in the current economic squeeze, that will suffice. Books are sadly becoming a luxury item for many people, as are magazines, and yet libraries are threatened with closure. That doesn't make much sense to me.

And I'm very sad to see British Bookshops disappear. My Saturday afternoons won't be the same.

Writing update

Son 2 has been getting up ridiculously early for the last few weeks. Despite our best efforts he is noisy, leaving us all feeling like zombies during the day. Add to this the introduction of my new medication, with a gradual increasing of the dosage, and I've not been feeling at my best.

As a result the total number of words written since the 1st January has been disappointing. But I have made a few submissions, of both the novel and shorter work. I've also clarified an important research point for novel two. It is critical to the plot and the backstory of one character, but I'd originally had difficulty finding the exact information I needed, either in the library or online. In the end I discovered it by entirely chance when I followed a link on a random Tweet. Such is the power of Twitter. I'm pleased that I can now progress without the possibility of a major rewrite of this character hanging over me.

So hopefully onwards and upwards. I promise I'll update the word counter when I stop chopping and changing my opening scenes to get into the characters and settle down to a better writing rhythm.

The saga of the dishwasher

Hubby and I were both brought up in families where there was not much money and even in better times our parents continue to live frugally. Although we were more comfortably off it wasn't until we had an extension built on our small 1920's kitchen that we actually had the space for a dishwasher. The extension meant that we had a separate laundry area and could move the washing machine and bring the tumble dryer in from the garage. We filled the space left by the washing machine with a pretty almond-coloured dishwasher which matched the kitchen units well.

Fast forward about eight years and the dishwasher packed up. This was at a very difficult time in our lives, one which we've moved on from and I don't want to drag up again, other than to say that getting a new dishwasher delivered was simply impossible for a while. Hubby volunteered to wash the dishes (after I said I wouldn't) and that is how it has remained, but the deceased almond-coloured dishwasher still fills the space in the kichen and glares reproachfully at me. From time to time I have broached the subject of a replacement, but Hubby didn't want to spend his redundancy money, worries about the running cost, thinks it's not essential, complains it takes just as long to unload one as to hand wash the dishes. You get the picture.

Last December Caroline ran a giveaway from Appliances Online on her blog and although I normally only enter book giveaways I stuck down a comment. I wasn't one of the lucky ones but it started me thinking about a dishwasher again. I'm tired of the piles of dirty dishes and having to wipe down a wet counter and floor after him, but at the same time I can no longer comfortably stand for long enough to do the job myself and I now have a worrying tendency to drop things. I began to plot how I could gradually find the money and work gently on Hubby again in the meantime.

Then, between Christmas and New Year, disaster struck when our washing machine died in a rather dramatic fashion. Having a disabled child means that a washer is an appliance we really can't do without for more than a day or two, especially since the launderette just down the road was transformed into an Indian takeaway. And our tumble dryer had been becoming less and less efficient, so given the impending VAT hike we replaced both, in a package deal. Gulp.

The dishwasher will just have to wait again.


(As a result of my comment on Caroline's appliance giveaway post the company offered me a small non-electrical incentive for mentioning them on here and although I have no personal experience, I was so impressed by Caroline's enthusiasm for the company's service that I agreed. Anyone leaving a comment with contact link on this post will also have possibility of being contacted by the Appliances Online team.)

Writing about issues

I've just read this blog post by Elizabeth Baines (via Rachel Carter on Facebook) and it's got me thinking.

My first novel, Walking on Tiptoe, a novel about a family affected by autism, might be considered by many to be an 'issue' novel. For me it is not, because that is the reality of the only life I've known as a parent. But could being perceived as such actually be damaging? When I planned the novel I agonised over whether it should be literary or women's fiction, as I think my writing style can naturally straddle the two. In the end, because of the female first person narrator and the significance of a young child, I decided it needed to be written and marketed as women's fiction. I still think that was the right decision, but it is a tough market for a debut novelist to crack.

Jodi Picoult currently writes issue-led fiction to great success. I have been interested to see that a writer called Diane Chamberlain, a 'Southern Jodi Picoult' according to a quote I read on Amazon, seems to be currently be doing very well in the UK Kindle charts, following competitive pricing of some of her books. Indeed I have two of her novels currently waiting on my own Kindle. The public still seems to have an appetite for this type of fiction, even if misery memoirs are perhaps fading away. But I wonder if people's reading choices are determined to a certain extent by their life circumstances. Were people more likely to read about 'difficult' subjects when their own lives were very comfortable and will they turn to lighter material in the testing years to come?

Walking on Tiptoe is categorically not my story. The heroine, Emma, is not me. Her son Ben is not my son. They are both composite fictional characters. Their story is not ours, it is pure fiction inspired by snippets of parental testimony I've absorbed over the years from many sources, both journalistic and real life. But I wonder if agents and publishers will erroneously think that it is autobiography?

When I was writing the novel, I was certain about just one thing, that I wanted to be truthful about the realistic level of help to which parents of autistic children are entitled. I didn't want my work to deceive anyone. As that is an area which is changing all the time, even more so in the current political climate, I decided to set the book clearly in the years when Son 2 was young, because I knew I could be utterly truthful about what sort of services some people were receiving back then. If I was to write about what is available currently, which can easily be researched, the reality might be totally different if/when the book is published. It might set up false hopes for vulnerable parents and that is the last thing I would want to do.

But beyond some practical facts, the storyline and the main setting are both fictional. So when I submit the novel do I continue to mention that I have experience in the area of autism and can therefore vouch for the authenticity of certain facts? Or do I keep quiet, to prevent agents thinking it is autobiographical, even though my personal experiences could potentially be a media selling point?

I'm willing to accept that Walking on Tiptoe would probably be a 'Marmite' novel, because it deals with facts that some readers would rather ignore. But with one child in less than one hundred currently being diagnosed somewhere on the autistic spectrum, it is a situation which is not going to go away. Characters like Emma are here to stay, they are at the school gate, in the supermarket and in the park. For them life is not a romantic comedy.

Parisienne Walkways

Can this really have been a hit as long ago as 1979?

RIP Gary Moore and Phil Lynott

Adieu to the river of stones

Yesterday, along with many other participants, I posted my final small stone for the river of stones project.

For me it was a hugely enjoyable experience. It made me stop and focus briefly, to concentrate on writing a daily posting. (I admit that two were posted on the subsequent day, but this was just the result of me liking to write my stone then leave it as a draft blog post for an hour or two, ready to edit. A couple of times I simply forgot to finalise the posting before midnight.)

I started off, and ended, by writing stones in haiku format and in between I slipped happily into the easier prose format. Some fragments I felt were very successful, others more mundane. But whatever style I wrote in, the posts became addictive.

So, although I won't be continuing to post a daily small stone, I don't think I'll be giving up completely. Watch this space and the 'aros' subject heading in the side bar. And huge thanks to Fiona and Kaspa for creating such an inspiring project to kick off a new year.

Small stone - 31st January

Restorative sleep eases
the mind for hours
lifting constant imbalance.

Small stone - 30th January

Laptop sighs at my request,
like an angry child
it throws another tantrum.

Small stone - 29th January

As the bitter cold descends in the depth of night, the strangulated howl of an urban fox echoes in the empty street.

Small stone - 28th January

For the first time ever he has learnt how to express his feelings appropriately, in language. We are proud of this achievement, though we don't want him to be feeling 'sad' and 'scared'.

Small stone - 27th January

The rich French blue of a pretty top calls out to me from the crowded charity shop rack. When I try it on at home it fits perfectly.

Small stone - 26th January

In the early hours of the morning he thunders down the stairs like a rampaging elephant, the whole house shaking in his wake. I send him back to bed.

Small stone - 25th January

Savouring a few hours alone, I realise how much I miss the peace of solitude.

Small stone - 24th January

The day starts in a fog of fatigue but ends in a glow of productive satisfaction.

Small stone - 23rd January

The green woodpecker blends seamlessly into our uncultivated grass. Only the flash of red, as it bends its head to dig a long beak in amongst the blades, gives away its existence.

Small stone - 22nd January

The bookshop, its windows plastered with 'closing down' posters, looks sadly different. It takes me a few minutes to realise that the racks of colourful magazines have disappeared, replaced by random discounted stationery items.

Who cares?

There is currently a big campaign being mounted about the projected future cuts to disability benefits, and rightly so. But until this week less was heard about the stealth cuts being made to other services, such as respite for the carers who save the state a fortune.

Unless you have been a carer, you will have no idea how hard it is to get respite. Not just a respite service which is suited to the child or adult cared for , but any respite at all. At the moment the only respite we receive is a fairly heavily specialist playscheme in school holidays, usually two five hour days a week if we can book a place. We are very lucky to have that.

This week there has been a bit of media interest following a plea for help on Mumsnet by a lady called Riven Vincent, who had reached the point of desperation in caring for her daughter, who has huge physical care needs due to cerebral palsy. Riven is herself disabled and as a fellow MS sufferer I know I couldn't cope in that scenario either. There are families caring for adults who are similarly struggling and it is happening all over the country. Health and social care has become budget rather than needs led.

Most of my experience of caring is for my children. I was lucky to have been given advice early on about Carer's Allowance, for which I was able to apply once son 2's severe needs had been identified about 14 years ago. This little bit of cash has been a lifeline, as due to his needs I was unable to return to anything more than a few hours part time work from home. At the moment I am not even earning from the writing work I now do after losing my job.

So yes, I get Carer's Allowance. That is £53.90 a week and is taxable if you reach the tax paying threshold. On top of that I can earn up to £100 a week (should I be able to find flexible work) but not a penny more, otherwise I lose the Carer's Allowance. To get the benefit the cared for person has to be on the middle or high rate of Disability Allowance for care (i.e. considerably disabled) and the carer has to be caring at least 35 hours a week. I did a quick tot up this morning and worked out that Son 2 needs a minimum of 80 hours a week care in term time and considerably more in school holidays. By care I mean that due to his non-existent sense of danger one of us has to be in the same room as him or within earshot and constantly checking. We live our lives in fight or flight mode and after 16 years it is taking a toll on our health. You'll notice that I haven't included night time hours in my calculation, as these vary, but again he needs supervision if awake. Whilst Hubby has always helped out with care in non-work hours, only one of can claim the benefit. If you care for more than one qualifying person, as I did for a few years, you can only claim the benefit for one of them.

We can cope with Son 2, just, but he is not as challenging as many severely autistic children. We were lucky enough to get specialist educational help early on which has helped his ability to cope a little. Hell no, we got that help because I, as his carer, fought tooth and nail for it. Carers are constantly having to fight bureacracy and advocate for the person they care for. In the next couple of years the process will start again to find adult services for him and I just don't know how I'm going to do it. Like so many carers, the constant battles have taken all the mental and physical energy from me.

Through his late son, David Cameron has personal experience of disability and being a carer. I really hoped that this might just feed through into policy, but instead the government seems intent on dismantling financial and practical support for disabled people and their carers. Please read this blog post by Catherine Hughes for lots more insight and links on disability cuts.

Life sucks.

Small stone - 21st January

The middle-aged man pushing a woman down the almost-empty street in a wheelchair swears loudly. I can't hear exactly what he says and she averts her eyes as they pass me.

Small stone - 20th January

The commuters crowd the platform so tightly that my eyes, already blurred from cold drops, cannot make out the exit signs. I go the wrong way.

Small stone - 19th January

The thoughtless loud words cut, like a sharpened blade, right to the bone.

Small stone - 18th January

A battered house clearance van stands in the driveway of a house across the road. We worry about the fate of the elderly, wild-haired resident and are relieved when we finally learn she is still alive and being cared for elsewhere.

Small stone - 17th January

I push the tiny white tablet from the foil wrapping and, for the first time, swallow it with my toast. The day is spent in anticipation, hoping that the drug will make a difference but worrying about the clumsiness of my hands. Is it all in my mind?

Small stone - 16th January

Despite cough and temperature he uses every remaining ounce of energy on the trampoline. A sound of dull thudding, punctuated with laughter, fills the room.

Small stone - 15th January

The spiral crazing of the vandalised shop window reminds me of an ammonite. Two empty shells separated by an eternity.

Small stone - 14th January

A sudden craving for chocolate sends me scurrying the newsagent. Hidden within a double-pack of glossy magazines is the perfect-sized small bar of bubbly sweetness. I can't wait to get home.

My Kindle - four months on

I was lucky enough to get a Kindle soon after they were launched in the UK, so have had a few months now to use and assess it. The considered verdict is that I still love it. Initially I was unsure about how I would enjoy reading on screen, but I find it very easy on the eyes, in fact I think I actually read faster on the Kindle than I do from a paperback book.

One of the downsides of reading on the Kindle is that, unlike printed material, VAT is charged on ebooks and the VAT rate has just gone up to 20%. Partially perhaps as a result of the tax anomaly, Kindle books are in most cases not much cheaper than their paper versions, despite the fact that no trees were killed in their production. Ebooks do, of course, have fixed editorial and set-up costs, but most of the variable costs, other than royalties, of printing and distributing a physical book are lost, so I don't really understand why there isn't a bigger discount.

For anybody existing on a very low fixed income, the cost of even a paperback book has to be a seriously considered purchase nowadays. I'm therefore taking full advantage of free Kindle books and low cost promotions, such as the selection of books for £1 each Amazon offered over Christmas, but my purchase of regular priced books has not increased too much, despite the undoubted convenience of the one-click Kindle store. I have to restrain myself.

A huge benefit of the Kindle is the ability to download free samples of books. I have over a hundred on my Kindle now. Some of these samples are of books I would like to buy or borrow from the library one day, a digital wish list, if you like. Some are for reference, to enable me, as a writer, to analyse the first few pages of a book I don't really want to read in its entirety, just as I sometimes do in my local library. Some samples I just download for curiosity's sake and fairly quickly delete from the Kindle. I have already downloaded a couple of books just on the basis of having been totally hooked by the sample, Sarah Rayner's One Moment, One Morning being one of these.

I find it hard now to remember what reading was like before I had the Kindle. It could never totally replace printed books, as its back and white screen cannot translate illustrations and photographs well, but I do find it easy and convenient for fiction and some nonfiction. I also use it to store some personal documents, such as lists and pdf crochet patterns, though I haven't yet dared put my novel on it!

I'm a total convert to digital books, with the proviso that I will still buy physical books too. Best of both worlds, really.

Small stone - 13th January

Sometimes it takes far too many paralysing hours of heartache to realise that the problem is not yours, but theirs.

Small stone - 12th January

Patients wait, coughing, wheezing.
Head buried in book
I need to relax but can't.

Small stone - 11th January

It won't change anything, but the chat with like-minded friends over lunch is so absorbing that we are the last to leave the restaurant.

Small stone - 10th January

I am reminded just in time to switch on the slow cooker. By the time they all arrive home the smell of simple home cooking gives the false impression that I am a domestic goddess.

Small stone - 9th January

Hours later some blades of grass still appear frosted with icing sugar.

Small stone - 8th January

The automatic door is broken. A salesman stands nearby and, with a smile, holds it open for the lady whose walker is loaded with carrier bags.

Small stone - 7th January

The rain falls heavily and steadily, wrapping the city in a cloud of grey depression.

Small stone - 6th January

The warmth envelopes me like a security blanket, numbing my senses. Only when I step outside do I feel truly alive.

The fear

Sometimes the fear gets to me. The fear of whether this is it, whether we have actually achieved all we are going to in our lives. The fear of how we are going to support ourselves financially up to and beyond retirement. The fear that with the savage cuts in services that are taking place there will be no appropriate care and support for son 2 when he leaves school and home. The fear that son 1 is never now going to have the opportunities that we had.

Most of the time I try to keep the fear at bay. I keep writing and hoping. I grab at occasional small ad-hoc work opportunities which arise and I tell myself we are lucky, we are not in debt and having a severely disabled child at home does bring in a reasonable level of disability benefits and child tax credits. Most are probably not so fortunate.

Recently Hubby met up with some old friends, there were four men in total in their mid-fifties through to early sixties. All are now sadly unemployed and of them only Hubby is signing on, even though he no longer gets Job Seeker's Allowance. If this situation is typical then unemployment figures must be seriously understated and there could be many people just scraping by on the savings they were wise enough to make in better times, not wanting to suffer the indignity of the Job Centre.

I know so many others whose jobs are currently under threat. When I wake early, suffering palpitations, I tell myself we are not alone. No one is safe any more.

Small stone - 5th January

The squirrel crashes in a hyperactive manner around the garden, as if he has eaten too much Christmas chocolate.

Small stone - 4th January

The delivery men are polite and efficient as they install our new laundry machines and take away the old ones on a bank holiday. I sigh with relief at finally being able to bury my nose once again in lavender-scented fresh washing.

Research

Nicola Morgan has just written a great blog post about research.

Research is important for book two which, although set in the present, has flashback sections to a couple of important and sensitive historical events. I've been tying myself in knots trying to research these so as not to get it wrong, not to offend anyone.

But I can see now that this fear is preventing me getting the story down and a first draft written. I know enough to do that without the detailed research, which can come later. I must no longer use the need to research as an excuse.

For me today is the start of a new writing year. Thank you, Nicola, for reminding me what I should do.

Small stone - 3rd January

Flashes of electric-blue
as the jay branch hops
in skeletal giant pear.

Small stone - 2nd January

Rapid flutter of my heart
wakens me like a
trapped butterfly in panic.

Small stone -1st January

As lips struggle to express all
the thoughts in my head
it's a sign to stop and stare.

2010

What a year it's been. Like most people, I guess, for me it has been a year of contrasts.

On the positive side I completed a novel. I thoroughly edited that novel and started to submit it to agents. I am using a slow targeted approach to my submissions so it is likely to be a long process. I made very few submissions of short work in the year, but Even More Tonto Short Stories, containing one of my short stories was finally published and I had an article on Powder Room Graffiti, a website I hope to write more for next year.

On the negative side it has been a year of trying to come to terms with new physical limitations. I know that I am lucky in that my MS is, as yet, relatively mild and I didn't suffer another relapse in the year, but the limitations are real, often painful, and frequently changing. Add to that some unrelated medical symptoms that still have to be fully investigated and some medication to trial and it is a period of uncertainty.

The boys have both had a very successful year but we are still existing under huge financial constraints, a situation which looks unlikely to change in the foreseeable future. Christmas therefore had to be a somewhat muted affair, which ended up with the washing machine dying in a somewhat dramatic fashion to round the year off in style. At least I've managed to order a new one before the VAT increase hits!

Wishing you all a happy and successful 2011 and just a reminder that from tomorrow I shall be taking part in a river of stones. I shall be writing my small stones as separate posts on this blog to enable them to be picked up as part of the project, but normal posts will continue too.

A Christmas greeting...

...from Son 2.

We don't really do religion at home, but this year, for some reason, he is obsessively listening to 'Angels We Have Heard On High' by the Westminster Cathedral Choir, which is on an album of Christmas songs I bought some time ago. So I just thought I would share:



This Christmas I shall be keeping in my thoughts the friends who are currently going through very difficult times (there are several of them) and the homeless trying to survive in this weather. I shall feel grateful for everything I still have.

Have the best (white?) Christmas you can, despite the UK weather chaos, and see you all on the other side.

A river of stones

The observant amongst you might have noticed the new badge to the right announcing that I'm going to be taking part in a river of stones in January 2011.

What is a river of stones? Well, it's all about being observant. An international writing project, set up by Fiona Robyn and her fiance Kaspa, participants will every day in January write/blog a small fragment, or 'stone', describing in detail something in the world around them. For more details of how to become involved see the dedicated blog here.

I'm quite excited about doing this. My writing has been getting stale and I need a new motivator. Description is never the strongest part of my work, so to spend a few moments each day just concentrating on getting what I see down in words will be a worthwhile writing exercise. The concept takes me right back to the daily haiku at the start of the Open University A215 Creative Writing course and the excitement of the Your Messages project, which was my stepping stone to publication.

I'll be posting my 'small stones' here, starting on 1st January and will be using the post tag 'aros', as Kaspa has created a lovely widget which apparently collects all the stones under that tag. No, I don't know how it works either!

A river of stones can also be found on Twitter at @ariverofstones and under the hashtag #aros

A quick round-up

So Christmas is almost upon us. I'm busy cramming goodies into the supermarket order which will be delivered mid-week and praying that two Amazon parcels arrive on time. As usual we will have a low-key holiday, just the four of us. Son 2, in common with many autistic children, just doesn't 'do' Christmas, apart from the chocolates.

The snow has scuppered some plans. Son 1 was planning to travel to the Westcountry today to visit the grandparents on his own, but in the end we decided that there were too many risks...of train cancellations stranding him there and icy roads for my elderly father to drive on to pick him up from and return him to the station. He was originally booked on a 12.20pm train and at around midday it snowed quite heavily here, so I think we made the right decision and my father sounded relieved.

Writing is on hold, and has been for a few weeks, while I try to get some health niggles sorted. But I have been reading and greatly enjoyed Sister by Rosamund Lupton and One Moment, One Morning by Sarah Rayner.

In other news, I correctly predicted the first to third places in The X Factor, as evidenced in the comments to Caroline's blog post at the start of the series...

So you want to write a novel...

What more is there to say?

On libraries

A few months ago I had lunch with an old schoolfriend who happens to be a librarian. We see each other rarely, but almost as soon as we sat down at the table she was keen to ask me whether I use my local library.

The answer was yes, but in a different way to a few years ago. We are lucky to have a very local library which is small, but modern, cosy and well-stocked, particularly in comparison to a larger library further down the road which I've always found somewhat uninspiring. I enjoy going to our library to read and research, but I realised that it is so long since I borrowed a book that I'm not even sure where my library card is. I tried to justify why this might be.

I think I stopped borrowing fiction when son 2 was small, when he had an uncontrollable compulsion to tear up any books and I had difficulty snatching even a moment to read due to his challenging behaviour. Another reason is that for many years our income was good enough to be able to buy books without really thinking twice. As I tended to purchase faster than I can read, the stockpile of paperbacks will keep me going in these more difficult times. And now, of course, I have a Kindle and I am buying books for that.

But I've continued to use the library as a place to work for a couple of hours when I need to get out of the house, a place to research or just to sit and read, especially children's fiction now my own boys are grown up. I love that the library offers not only books but also internet access to those who do not have them. My elderly father, who will probably never have a computer at home, has recently put his name down for a computer course at his local library. He just wants to be able to occasionally look things up on the internet in the library, where help is at hand for a technophobe.

Libraries are still a valuable resource, even if their services sometimes seem to need a little tweaking to keep up with changing communities and times. Whilst waiting for an appointment I recently spent a few minutes in another branch, situated in a community centre alongside a cafe run by people with learning disabilities. Easy access to a library and food and drink. What more could you ask?

So when I just read this post by Nicola Morgan I found myself nodding in agreement. We need libraries to give equal access to learning and culture. We need them to help encourage our young children to read through their activity sessions and to provide a space for older children to do their homework in peace. We need libraries to provide large-print and audiobooks for the disabled. We need them to serve whole communities, perhaps linked in somehow with the teaching of English as a second language. We need them to broaden our own reading horizons.

There have been a lot of (often justified) complaints about the state of literacy and education in this country. How on earth is closing libraries going to help?

(For anyone who knows where I live, I'm not aware of any planned library closures here, they seem to be cutting library staff jobs instead by increasing automation. But a neighbouring borough is apparently due to close up to 50% of its libraries and it is a nationwide issue.)

Talli Roland's Take on Amazon Web Splash

This is such an amazing idea by lovely Talli Roland to promote her novel, The Hating Game, across the blogosphere today and I'm delighted to be able to take part:

Help Talli Roland's debut novel THE HATING GAME hit the Kindle bestseller list at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk by spreading the word today. Even a few sales in a short period of time on Amazon helps push the book up the rankings, making it more visible to other readers.

No Kindle? Download a free app at Amazon for Mac, iPhone, PC, Android and more.

Coming soon in paperback. Keep up with the latest at www.talliroland.com.

About THE HATING GAME:

When man-eater Mattie Johns agrees to star on a dating game show to save her ailing recruitment business, she's confident she'll sail through to the end without letting down the perma-guard she's perfected from years of her love 'em and leave 'em dating strategy. After all, what can go wrong with dating a few losers and hanging out long enough to pick up a juicy £200,000 prize? Plenty, Mattie discovers, when it's revealed that the contestants are four of her very unhappy exes. Can Mattie confront her past to get the prize money she so desperately needs, or will her exes finally wreak their long-awaited revenge? And what about the ambitious TV producer whose career depends on stopping her from making it to the end?

A song for a lost love

I guess we've all had our hearts broken at some time and can feed the pain back into our writing, whether it be a poem, a story or a song. I just love this so much.



(Thanks to lovely Cally Taylor for drawing my attention to this on Facebook, as I'd missed Adele's slot on the Later Live with Jools Holland TV programme last week.)

Powder Room Graffiti

Just popping in very quickly to tell those of you who don't already know, from Twitter or Facebook, the exciting news that I have a short and personal article published today here on Powder Room Graffiti, my first for them.

PRG is a lively online community for women, so if you haven't already discovered it why not go and take a look?

Lest we forget

One of my all time favourite posts on this blog was written on 11 November.

Read it here.

The X Factor -week 5

I love, love, loved Matt. And Rebecca.

That's all.

Blogging times change

I started this blog in October 2006. Yes, four whole years ago.

I was full of enthusiasm. I'd just finished an Open University course and was about to take my writing more seriously. Life had just thrown us a huge curveball, but it meant that I would be at home much more, that I had time to write.

I couldn't have imagined then that I was already into the most challenging years of my life. Years which have been documented, in a censored fashion, on this blog.

This blog is both a record and a painful reminder and I'm no longer sure whether I want it all to be so public. The internet world seems to be changing. We appear to be losing enthusiasm for blogging. Communities built up over a number of years seem to be dying, or pulling apart in a destructive manner. Perhaps it's something to do with the recession or maybe, with the explosion of social networking, we are all just realising that we have been too open in the past.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm no longer sure where this blog is going. I think at some point soon I shall be separating my writing posts from the more personal stuff. I've already started to create a new writing blog which will become the one linked to my website and will be solely about books and writing. I may eventually mothball these ramblings.

Whatever I decide to do I'll be sure to keep you all posted, if you'll forgive the pun.

Back to the day job

The last two weeks have been half term, so my waking hours have been consumed by being Son 2's carer. It is something of a mental leap from being merely a parent to a carer but Son 2 is now 16, he should be trying to sneak out to the pub rather than watching CBeebies all day and when I look at the independence of his brother, I can make that transition. I can accept that it is a day job, if a very poorly paid one.

This holiday has been about broadening Son 2's musical tastes. He loves music, he actually spends all day plugged into an mp3 player in a most age appropriate manner, although for a long time his musical choices were not so age appropriate. Then a few months ago he stole an mp3 player from me. Yes, it's a pink mp3 player. Get over it. On it were some of my favourite tracks of all time, the soundtrack to my life. Son 2 loves it. But again, the music is not exactly what your typical 16 year old listens to. I'm out of date, I don't know what to offer him.

So this, dear readers, is where you come in.

Son 2 likes ballads and more up tempo tracks with a definite tune and perhaps a little bit of drama. As he is nonverbal the music is more important than the lyrics and he likes classical music and chillout tracks. I have found him listening recently to Amy Winehouse, Duffy and Adele but he also really likes Take That (Patience), Coldplay (Viva la Vida) and the Motown and soul of the Sixties and Seventies, while yesterday he was listening to Lady GaGa's Bad Romance over again on YouTube. I realise that his musical tastes are currently somewhat limited by our own and I want to download more contemporary tracks for him.

Any good suggestions?

Jane Austen and the editor

I discovered Jane Austen at a ridiculously late age which is a shame, because if I'd been introduced to her work by the age of 16 I think I might have continued with English up to A level. But I digress.

The latest literacy buzz is that it appears that Jane Austen had an editor. Shock, horror. And that follows on from a revelation that the style of Raymond Carver's model short stories was highly influenced by his editor.

But why should we be surprised? Surely all writers need an editor, an outside eye to pick up what works stylistically and what doesn't, to spot errant typos and clumsy prose?

I'm possibly a little unusual in that I really like editing. I love the self-editing stage of writing, the honing of a rough first draft into more flowing prose. I don't mind my work being externally edited, because I can usually see that the suggestions will improve it. And frustrating as it is, I even masochistically enjoy the inevitable picking apart of the work to amend the foreshadowing of edited scenes where necessary.

One of the things that is drummed into students on the Open University creative writing courses is the importance of revision and editing and I have to say my own writing improved immensely when I started taking all that on board. I realised that prior to that my 'editing' consisted of little more than spellchecking. Now I pick my prose apart with a much closer eye.

But the downside is that I also pick apart the work of others and as I am reading I sometimes become distracted by something as simple as an errant comma. I guess that's what they call reading like a writer.

A ray of light in the gloom

Time is running away again. The to-do list is growing, I seem to add several things every week but feel happy if I can cross just one item off. And now it's half term again. Where did those six weeks go?

Last week the doom and gloom of the economic crisis, both national and personal,was temporarily lifted by the rescue of the 33 miners who'd been trapped underground in Chile for 69 days. I shed tears at each and every emergence I watched on the news channel. Thinking I was stupid and, it has to be said, hormonal, I turned to Twitter where I found many others were doing the same. It was a triumph of hope over adversity, caught for posterity in pitch perfect media coverage.

I'm not writing much right now. But I am researching, looking at photos and reading about some pivotal movements in twentieth century history, trying to integrate hope and despair into the new novel. The coverage of the miners brought home both emotions in such an immediate and visual manner that I felt inspired.

And now back to work, it's going to be hard enough to snatch time to write during the next two weeks of school holiday...

Hmm, I wonder...

I often wonder why son 2 has autism. There is no obvious genetic link as nobody else has the diagnosis on either side of the family, even though one or two family members might be considered to have some quirks. But don't we all?

I've got past the guilt of wondering if it was something that happened during pregnancy. I do believe that son 2 showed some signs of autism right from the earliest days, but it was a planned pregnancy, I was ultra-cautious and I wasn't even working at the time, so was as stress-free as one can be whilst looking after a toddler.

But I went into early labour with both my boys, so I was interested to read the new research on a possible link between neo-natal jaundice and autism. To summarize: a full-term baby born between October and March, who has suffered neo-natal jaundice and is not the mother's first child, is 67% more likely to develop autism.

Now let's look at my evidence. Son 2, born in March, was not full-term, but at just over 36 weeks he was only a few days short of being considered so. The only issues he had were jaundice and minor feeding problems. Unlike Son 1, born in October, who was a 34 week baby and spent 6 weeks in the neonatal unit where the jaundice was the least of his problems.

So, both boys fall into the risk category for month of birth and having suffered jaundice, but Son 1 was born earlier, was more sick and was my first pregnancy. You'd perhaps expect him to be more vulnerable but the antibodies would not have built up and according to the research that would have protected him.

Son 1 has, of course, had his own issues, some of which may have a root cause in his prematurity (there is research to support this too). But he does not have autism, in fact he is a very sociable young man now. Son 2, however, had all the risk factors and is severely autistic.

Perhaps there is something in all this research...

Life begins at 50?

She probably won't win The X Factor, but wasn't it lovely to see Mary Byrne get such a wonderful ovation from the studio audience last night?

(And if anyone can explain simply to me how I can embed the YouTube video without it stretching right over the sidebar of my blog, I'd be really grateful!)

Strong women

A couple of people who have read the draft of my first novel, Walking on Tiptoe, have asked if the main character, Emma, is actually me. The answer to that is always no. True, small parts of Emma's life are based on my own experience, but she is very much a composite character, inspired by the many strong women I know. My second novel is also shaping up to have strong female characters, two of them women who have had extraordinary experiences.

When I was first wanting to write,in my twenties, the traditional romance genre was my aim. But now that I am actually writing novels a totally different type of heroine is emerging in my work, a heroine who gets on with life and can look after herself, a heroine who doesn't need an alpha male. Because, let's face it, for a lot of women that is the reality of life.

My own immediate circle of friends includes a widow, single mothers, women bringing up severely disabled children, women who have suffered the distress of infertility and miscarriage, women caring for sick, elderly parents and women who are suffering circumstances I wouldn't blog about. The one thing that they all have in common is their inner strength. They just get on with life and make the most of it.

I think I've always been quite strong. Perhaps being the older sibling had something to do with it, perhaps knowing that I had to make something of my life to get away from a hometown which suffocated me. That strength made me very independent, but it is also now causing me difficulties as I have to recognise that I do have some physical limitations. It's been quite a journey to get my head around the fact that I have a degenerative condition, but twelve months on from diagnosis little has changed. The prognosis is still quite good.

I need to learn not to get so frustated when I can't do something, not to stress that I am letting others down. I need to learn to accept help. I need to redirect my strength into my writing. I think a lot more characters like Emma may just emerge.

Interview with DJ Kirkby

I'm delighted that DJ Kirkby has agreed to be interviewed here to celebrate the official launch of her debut novel, Without Alice which I found to be a compelling read, written by a true storyteller. The interview is long, but please bear with us, as it covers subjects close to both our hearts.

You make no secret of the fact that you were diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, dyspraxia and dyslexia as an adult. Asperger’s Syndrome is a disorder on the autistic spectrum and people with autism generally have the ‘triad of impairments’ which means that they have difficulty with ‘social communication, social interaction and social imagination’ (National Autistic Society). Do you think that the self-understanding which must have followed the diagnosis has impacted on your writing in any way and do you find writing therapeutic?

I think that my diagnosis was one of the most life enhancing things to have happened to me, and yes it did have a huge impact on my writing. Once I realised just how well I had been coping for my whole life I realised that I could go on to write that novel I had been dreaming of. If I could function in a predominantly neurotypical world so well (as opposed to so badly as I’d thought for many years) then there was no reason why I couldn't write a novel and do a good job of that too. Writing has always helped me make sense of the chaos I see the neurotypical world. Maintaining a neurotypical facade for the entire workday is like performing a play in a language that I have a working knowledge of, but one which is not my first language. So whilst I might come across as outwardly believable, inside I am double guessing myself, questioning my every move and having to interpret the response I get into my ‘language’ to try and establish what, exactly, the person I am interacting with actually meant.

As the parent of a severely autistic young person I've read a number of books written by people with autism, but they were all non-fiction or memoirs (including your own amazing From Zaftig to Aspie). Do you think you are unique in being a person with Asperger’s Syndrome who has had a novel published?

I think every human is unique but as far as I know I am the only openly autistic person who has had a novel published, although there are many talented published autistic authors such as Temple Grandin, John Elder Robison, Claire Sainsbury and Wendy Lawson to name just a few.

Many people with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from severe anxiety, but I'm always impressed by your energy, enthusiasm and promotional ability. You don’t appear to suffer from the self-doubt which troubles so many new writers. You had setbacks on the road to getting Without Alice published, but do you feel that it was your confidence which got the result in the end?

I am not obviously self doubtful ( it is very easy to hide emotions on the internet) because I have been told by a few successful authors whom I trust that if a writer wishes their work to be taken seriously, then they first, must appear as if they believe it worthy of that. I think the fact that I have always behaved professionally while on the internet has helped me overcome the setbacks I endured with getting my novel published. The writing/ publishing world is very small and most of us have heard of one another to some degree. What my readers don’t see and perhaps do need to know, is that I am as fretful and anxious as the ‘average’ autistic person, and not a day goes by where I don’t suffer sensory overload and question whether I have what it takes to carry on promoting myself as an author. To carry on means that I have to keep putting myself in the spot light, and under scrutiny. Fairly easy to do on the internet where I can take my time and write out my responses – run them past my husband for a social acceptableness check - much more difficult to do in real time during non internet public appearances. For particularly challenging ones such as book launch parties where sensory overload is guaranteed I have my husband or another carer with me and make sure I’ve booked the following day off work but for things like book signings I have to go to them alone and just ensure that I identify a quiet room where I can spend time when it becomes necessary. Usually it is the staff toilet!

I find that people with autism either follow rules to the letter or tend to disregard them totally. Do you follow the so-called ‘rules’ ( e.g. ‘show not tell’) when you are writing and editing, or do you prefer to write more freely?

I think that I am good at showing the reader the scenes simply because I am an outsider in the world about which I write. My characters are neurotypical non autistic people so when I write from my perspective I am showing my readers what I see as an autistic person which works wonderfully in terms of getting a novel written the right way. The areas I struggle with are portraying communication believably, and I tend to use less dialogue than other novelists. If the lack of dialogue is significant from a neurotypical aspect then this is picked up in editing (I paid to have Without Alice professionally edited before submitting it to my publisher), and I then expand the dialogue in the identified areas.

I've tried to plan my own fledgling writing career, starting with courses to learn the craft of writing followed by targeted submissions. I know many people with autism like their life to be highly structured, so have you taken a similar approach or have you just taken advantage of opportunities as they have arisen?

I have written for so long that it is part of the structure of my daily life. I feel highly anxious if I don’t get time to write. I use it as a method of stress relief and a way of sorting through the events of the day, a way to learn from my mistakes. However, I have never taken a writing course as that would mean even less downtime than I have now. I work full time and having to take an evening (or weekend) course whether in a class or via distance learning would still mean that I have to do more intensive work after a hectic and stressful work day. All I want to do is spend more time with my family, not less and I know that I couldn’t cope with the extra work involved in taking a writing course. I do read a lot of writing books and blogs and learn a lot of what (and what not) to do in relation to writing as a result. This method seems to have worked for me and Without Alice is a novel that I am proud of.

You have launch parties planned for Without Alice. Do you find the face to face promotional aspects of being a writer particularly daunting?

As I mentioned earlier, I am very anxious about the promotional work for Without Alice. I also know that it is as much a part of being an author as actually writing the novel. If I don’t get myself out there and meet my readers, then how do I engage with them and get to know what they want from me as an author? Additionally, because I am published by an independent (small) publisher, if I don’t do public appearances then word of mouth about me as an author wont happen and I need it to for my book sales to happen. I know that even authors who are published by big publishers (with big marketing budgets) have to get out and promote themselves which means that this has to be done even more intensively for an author published by a small publisher. Writing a good novel is only the first part of the job.I consider myself very lucky to have found a publisher who was willing to read a submission from an openly autistic author in the first place and then for him to believe in my writing enough to take a risk in publishing me. After all, all the work and money involved in making my novel actually physically available for readers to buy has come from my publisher. I feel I owe it to both of us to make sure that I do everything I can to engage with readers and hopefully have them like me enough as an author to tell their friends about me and my novel (s). Having said all that, self promotion is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

First I have to get readers interested enough to come in and see me, then I have to get book shops to agree to let me come in for a signing and once there I also need to approach random people who come into the shop. Once I have done so I then need to engage with them in such a manner that they are willing to buy a copy or two of my novel! I do spend time in my bolt hole freaking out until I calm down enough to get back on the shop floor and carry on.

At the book launch parties I will drink wine and wear ear plugs as both help to smooth out the sensory overload long enough to get me through the event. Having said that, I often appear distracted and sometimes talk nonsense. This is because I am paying attention to the sensory overload instead of the person talking to me. I apologise in advance to anyone that I may do this to. I struggle to hear things sometimes because all I can hear is everything around me due to the fact that my brain doesn’t do a good job of tuning out unnecessary noises, so I can hear all the conversations at once, the phone ringing, the door opening, the cash register working the air conditioning or heating, traffic noise, smell people’s perfumes, colognes, bad breath, hair products, hear their clothes rustle, drinks being poured, scents from the street outside and so on. So if it seems like I am not fully focussed on what you’re saying, it’s not that you’re uninteresting, it’s just me being me.

You not only write prolifically, but hold down a high-powered day job and care for your family. What life advice would you give to a young person with Asperger’s Syndrome?

Don’t be afraid of failure. Think of it as an excuse to go back the way you came until you find a more successful way around the obstacle. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help but never use autism as an excuse. You know it isn’t an excuse, it’s our way of being and that means we have to go about things differently to be able to function in society. We know ourselves best and so it’s up to us to find our own way of coping with functioning in a socially acceptable manner. We are all individuals with unique desires and dreams and with the right support, you can do anything you wish to do. Once you get there you may realise that it isn’t actually what you did want and that’s ok too because you can start over and go get something different. Everything will probably seem like very hard work but that is what life is all about and you’ll find coping strategies along the way if you’re willing to try things out until you find the ones that work best for you. Make sure that you have some things that are easy and make you happy, and treat yourself to these things when you need a break but don’t let yourself obsess on them or you won’t get anything else done.

DJ Kirkby has dedicated Facebook pages for her books Without Alice and From Zaftig to Aspie.

Coming up on the blog...

If anyone has noticed that I've been even quieter than usual on Twitter, Facebook and the blog, I should explain that my computer is not happy at present. I've spent much of this week trying to improve its performance, but I think I may have to give in and take it to the laptop hospital next week.

In the meantime, I'm thrilled to have been given an interview with DJ Kirkby to celebrate the official launch of her debut novel Without Alice.
Check back here on Monday to find out how being a person with Asperger's Syndrome impacts on her writing career and life.

Tip top

Oh my, it's over a week since I posted here.

Last week was consumed by real life stuff of the most boring variety and this week seems to be starting the same way. I'm writing in my head only, but that still counts, doesn't it?

Today I stretched my legs with a little walk to the corner shop, where for once I found myself drawn to Prima magazine rather than the chocolate. Opening it up when I got home, I was delighted to find that they have printed another of my tips, the second since I started submitting them earlier this year.

And if anyone else is magazine buying the current issue of Writers' Forum has a great article about literacy consultancies by lovely Helen Hunt, in which I am quoted on my positive experience with BubbleCow.

I tried to buy a copy of Writers' Forum on Saturday, but the queue for the tills in W.H.Smith was so ridiculously long that I gave up and skimmed through the article in the shop. Sadly they don't sell that magazine in the corner shop, so I'll have to try again in town next weekend.

Edited: I've just realised that Julie Phillips is included in both magazines too. I'd read her blog post but forgotten!

Even More Tonto Short Stories

I've been away, and when I returned home yesterday I was delighted to find my contributor copy of Even More Tonto Short Stories had arrived in the post in my absence. My short story, You Don't Have to Say You Love Me, is the final one in the anthology, but do make sure you also read all the others, there are some fantastic writers included, many of them already published novelists. It's thrilling to finally have the book in my hands and I can't wait to read all the stories.

Even More Tonto Short Stories can be purchased from Amazon, directly from Tonto Books or from any other good bookseller.

Me and my Kindle

So, I have had my Kindle for just over a week and I am in love with it.

I've already written here about my reasons for wanting one, so now I must report back on whether it is meeting my expectations, I guess. I haven't yet explored all the features and some I may never use, but here is my verdict so far:

1.The design is sleek and generally user friendly, with buttons which are small and firm but not stiff. The Kindle comes with a USB cable and a very lightweight plug into which the cable can inserted so the machine can also be recharged away from a computer. It all arrives in beautiful packaging which appears to be made from recycled materials. A quick start guide is in the box, the main manual automatically arrives on your Kindle and can also be downloaded as a PDF file from the Amazon website to read in advance or print out.

2.The Kindle arrives already registered to your Amazon account and as soon as it is started any books you have bought in advance are downloaded. Books are easy to purchase and download onto it. Almost too easy, so I shall have to be very controlled in how much I spend. I've already downloaded quite a few books but many were free classics and some others were under £1.

3. The Kindle software for other devices, such as a computer or phone is very useful. I have it on my laptop and if I want to download samples of books I am interested in I usually send those to the laptop rather than clogging up the Kindle itself (though files are very easy to remove from the Kindle). I also found it useful to keep the Kindle manual on the laptop, so if I have a problem I can read on the PC while following instructions on the Kindle.

4. The reading experience is very positive. The contrast is so good that I can read comfortably in very low light. For Kindle books there is not only a choice of 8 font sizes but the font type, line spacing and words per line can even be changed. Kindle books can easily be searched for keywords to find content. Each book reopens at the point it was last left (and readers on PC or phone can be synchronised to this) but it is simple to return to the start via the 'go to' menu.

5. The PDF reader is good and keeps formatting intact as well as having a search facility. To read PDFs comfortably the screen needs to be put into landscape mode with the machine turned round and I have found that most of my PDF books can be read easily like that, though using the page turn buttons is more awkward. The exception is academic textbooks, where their original larger size means that the type is still very small. Readable, but barely for my eyes. There is a zoom in facility, but even on the first zoom level that means several clicks to move across each line which I find very slow and annoying, so I think I will use it on 'fit to page' and use a small handheld magnifier if necessary. PDF files can be transferred directly onto the Kindle via USB or sent to Amazon by email to download. I found the USB method very easy and much quicker for multiple files, as the Kindle just acts like an extra storage device to drop files into. I have also successfully emailed Word documents to Amazon for free download.

6. There are quite a few menus and functions to learn, but once you get the hang of the various keys and menus it is fairly straightforward, even to me. The keyboard buttons are tiny but easily pressed with a nail. Having to open the symbols menu to access number keys is, however, rather a pain.

7.The browser is, as expected, rather clunky to use and quite difficult to read in shades of grey. Key websites such as Google, Wikipedia and the BBC come already bookmarked and I have been able to get into email accounts on BT Yahoo, Hotmail and Gmail. The browser is a nice extra, but it would probably only be used if no other internet access was available as it does have a tendency to freeze or crash the machine. I think this is due to the number of clicks needed to navigate a page.

8.The new Kindle does seem to have a few problems with stability, for which Amazon are apparently working on a software fix. Mine has both frozen and crashed, but I believe this was due to me pressing buttons too quickly in my impatience. Speed is not of the essence with this machine. There are instructions for both a hard reset and a soft reset in the manual and the soft reset via a menu sorted out a problem I had with a corrupted font in the early days, without me having to ring Customer Support.

9. It took me three goes to get my Kindle to connect to our home WiFi but I suspect that was due to user error in typing in the network key because of my manual dexterity issues. Initially I just used the inbuilt 3g and found that at home I can get the 3g speed during the day but it tends to drop to GPRS in the evening.

10. The Kindle doesn't come with any sort of case or protective cover, so buying one is essential. The 'official' case seems expensive but is sturdy real leather and seems well made. I didn't buy the case with a light, instead I have a small clip-on reading light, very cheap from eBay, which I can attach to the cover. But the screen contrast is good enough to read the Kindle with just a bedside light anyway so I will probably use it very rarely.

11. The battery life on my first charge was poor, just 4 days with the WiFi left on and a lot of experimentation (including a soft reset). I now turn the WiFi off except when I actually need it and this second charge is lasting much better, though I still think Amazon's own estimates are rather optimistic, especially if the browser is used at all.

12. I haven't tried any of the audio facilities for audiobooks or mp3 files, I will probably stick to my mp3 player for those as they would drain the Kindle battery. Nor have I yet attempted to annotate books, though that does appear to be straightforward.

13. The Kindle comes with two inbuilt dictionaries but the default dictionary is the American one. This can be changed to the Oxford Dictionary of English via a menu. I have also downloaded a Roget's Thesaurus for under £1.

14. Books can be catalogued into 'collections' but as far as I can tell this can only be done on the Kindle itself. That takes a while, but the result is worth it for the increased ease of finding what you want.

15. The Kindle puts itself into sleep mode after 10 idle minutes or when manually switched off, and comes with a lovely collection of literature and art related screensavers. It is always fun to see which one emerges at the end of a session and they do give the machine a classy appearance. My current favourite is the portrait of Virginia Woolf.

So, a few little niggles, but generally the new Kindle is meeting all my expectations. Is it worth the money given that most of the current books are around the same price as the print versions? Well, probably, I think, and for me, with my specific needs, definitely yes. I will be road testing it on a trip next week.

Summer Reading 2 - Not So Perfect

Oh dear, I meant to blog about Not So Perfect ages ago, but life got in the way. And now Hubby has run off with the book (which is in itself a recommendation).

I've 'known' Nik Perring online for a while now so I was delighted when he had this collection of very short stories published. Every story is a gem, they are succinct, quirky and moving. It's hard to pick a favourite, because the quality of the collection is very even, but if I really had to I think it would be When You're Frightened Honey, Think of Strawberries, a story which I'd previously read online and which had stayed with me for a long time.

The book itself is a small square design, perfect for popping into a handbag, and it accompanied me to coffee shops and hospital appointments. I was genuinely sad to reach the end of the final story, as it's a fine debut collection of flash fiction.

Busy, busy, busy

Last week just rushed by too.

On Wednesday Son 2 returned to school, but this time to the Further Education unit on a new site. He'd been well prepared by the school, who also sent home a transition book for us to look at together over the summer. He seemed a little apprehensive just before the transport arrived, but all was well when we found his old escort had been transferred onto this new route. There were big smiles all round.

He seemed happy when he returned in the evening and the good mood continued in the following days, so we can only assume that all is well in Son 2's world. It is so hard when they can't really tell you what goes on.

Son 1 had two induction days at his new college and work starts in earnest on Monday. He showed me a photo on his phone of the view from the classroom window, this time he looks out onto fields rather than a tube station. There is a fair amount of travelling to get there, but the London Underground app on his new BlackBerry will help with that.

And finally, and most excitingly, my Kindle arrived! An early font problem induced panic, but eventually I discovered how to reset the firmware and all is well again. I will report back in more detail next week when I've explored all the features...

Of coffee and exam results

An exciting week has just flown past.

On Monday I met lovely Miriam for a coffee. Miriam and I discovered each other in the writerly blogosphere during the last year and I was delighted when she emailed recently to say she would be passing through London whilst over here on a holiday from Israel. I was particularly thrilled because Miriam often blogs about the social anxiety from which she suffers, so I knew that for her making the suggestion to meet up was a Big Thing.

We met at the impressive new St Pancras International station. Not the most exciting location perhaps, but convenient for both of us. And Miriam needn't have worried, as I was in one of my most chatty moods as we sat in the Costa Coffee situated in the row of smart little shops. I probably bored her to death, but I hope we will be able to meet again in the future.

On Tuesday GCSE results came out. Son 1 had taken just one exam, but his preferred college placement and course for this year was dependent upon a grade of at least C and he wasn't sure he'd done it (he already had the required result in his BETEC First Diploma). He was working on Tuesday and couldn't get to college to receive his result in person, so we had to wait anxiously for the postman on Wednesday. The news was good and yesterday he enrolled at his first choice college for a BETEC National Extended Diploma in IT, which is the equivalent of taking three A levels. He has chosen not to go back to our local college, even though academically he did well there last year, and will be facing a daily commute, albeit against the rush hour mayhem. He'll just have to learn to get up earlier.

(The picture is of the statue at St Pancras which, stupidly, I forgot to go upstairs to look at. Next time...)

Lows and highs

The past week was seriously weird, a true rollercoaster.

A fatal traffic accident at the end of our road on Monday created drama and left everyone feeling shaken. In addition two friends have been seriously ill in hospital. Different hospitals and different reasons, but each another reminder of my own mortality.

It's just over a year since my diagnosis and I've been struggling with the anniversary. I'm no worse than I was this time last year, I'm actually significantly better, as I was in the throes of a major relapse back then. Looking at the overall picture there has been little significant deterioration. I am slowly learning to recognise my fluctuating symptoms and to listen to them, to accept my limitations. But it's not always easy.

On the upside, I've been out to see quite a few friends. Although Son 1 wasn't awaiting A level results, I've enjoyed hearing of his old schoolfriends getting university places. Son 1 is now motivated and doing well in his education, his turn will hopefully come. In the meantime he is working hard in a very worthwhile holiday and weekend job which he not only enjoys, but will look good on future applications.

Son 2 has been quite relaxed and enjoying the holiday, especially his playscheme sessions. We are now starting to gently remind him about his forthcoming transition to the further education unit and keeping our fingers tightly crossed.

Summer Reading 1 - Like Bees to Honey

I've never been to Malta. But after devouring Like Bees to Honey by Caroline Smailes I felt as if I had. I actually read the book three months ago and decided to wait to review it, to see if that strong sense of place remained with me. Today I can still see, smell and taste Malta.

Nina returns to the island of her birth with her son, ready to face her demons. But what she finds instead is an island full of ghosts, presided over by a hippy Jesus who loves reality TV and hangs out in a bar. The ghosts are keen to share their stories and some wonderful characters emerge. I particularly loved Tilly, the angry house ghost.

It's no secret that I have been a great fan of Caroline's writing since I first discovered her online. She has a unique voice but, whilst I personally loved her earlier novels, the subject matter was often challenging. In Like Bees to Honey she has achieved the perfect balance, taking the reader on a emotional rollercoaster ride between tears and laughter. The novel covers many important themes - cultural dislocation, the guilt of motherhood, the ambivalence of religion and the power of family to both divide and heal - yet is never didactic.

Caroline Smailes has a background in linguistics, which shows through in her writing. Excerpts of a tourist guide and the use of fancy fonts add depth and additional meaning. The careful placing of words and phrases on the page inserts pauses, while repetition adds rhythm and emphasis. In Like Bees to Honey the repetition of words and phrases of the Maltese language, always translated, add another sensory layer. The reader can hear Malta. And then there are the black-edged pages...

Such devices, if used badly, could be distracting but Caroline Smailes is a clever writer. In her hands they merely emphasise compelling stories, while adding poetic qualities to the spare, readable prose, where every single word has significant meaning. Caroline's writing style is truly individual.

I loved Like Bees to Honey. The handcrafted cover design is enticing and it's a book I know I shall return to over again, even if I never do get to Malta myself.

Joining the dots between British novelists

I just love this application from the Open University's Open Learn website, which shows the fascinating links between a number of 20th century British authors. Do go and have a play, it's quality OU material, all for free and I'm grateful to @Mslexia who retweeted the link on Twitter.

While you are there, the sidebar is worth exploring too. There are so many blog posts about literature, creative writing and the English language (and many other subjects) that I think I might be spending some time on the site in the coming days...

(The author links application needs Flash, by the way)

Reading and reviewing

Despite the fact that I co-founded a book blog, I rarely post reviews on here and recently I started to wonder why. I came up with the following reasons:

- I like to take time to digest a newly-published book, rather than immediately writing about it. As a result so many other people will already have reviewed it, that I often feel my views would add nothing new.

- I don't have a background in English Literature, so I don't feel entirely confident in my ability to comment on the literary quality of the work of others, even more so since I discovered for myself how difficult it actually is to write good fiction.

- As a linguist, however, I do tend to judge a book as much on the beauty and readability of the language as on the story itself. The craft of writing is also important and I sometimes inadvertently find myself thinking show not tell, or something similar. I seem to have started to read like a writer and I fear it may sometimes make me a little over-critical.

Oh dear, that all sounds rather pretentious, doesn't it? But it isn't really, it's just showing my own insecurities as a reader (and writer).

Anyway, just in case you all think I'm not really reading at all, I'm going to start remedying the lack of interesting posts on here this summer by occasionally throwing in some quick comments on books I've recently read.

Come back soon to find out what I've enjoyed.

Giving in

While I'm not a total techno-dunce, I've never been a major adopter of gadgets. I think it's partly due to my age and partly because I just don't have the time or inclination to learn how to take advantage of all the new technology can offer.

So I deliberately don't own an iPod, an iPhone or, naturally, an iPad. I have a Creative Zen mp3 player which serves me perfectly and cost less than an iPod of similar storage capacity. I don't have a smartphone of any kind, because right now I couldn't afford the monthly cost, so I use an ancient Nokia with a cheap sim-only contract. After all, I only need to be able to call and text, anything more would be icing on the cake.

Aside from the cost, one of the reasons that I've never been seduced by Apple products, despite their sleek good looks, is that I didn't want to be tied into iTunes. With my Creative player I can buy mp3 tracks anywhere and just drag and drop them into the player. Perfect for someone as technically challenged as I am and I really don't need the other apps offered by Apple.

So I've just done something which surprised even me. I've raided my savings to pre-order one of Amazon's new Kindles. And yes, it does mean being tied into a propriety format, something I never wanted to do. So what changed my mind?

Until now I've been sceptical about ebooks, but I've only tried to read them on my laptop. I have an increasing collection of pdf books which I rarely look at, because I don't like reading that way. I've previously looked at ebook readers and decided I couldn't afford the cost. But something is different this time, it feels as if, with the expansion of Amazon into the UK ebook market, this attractive new Kindle may just change everything.

For me, one of the selling points of an ebook reader is the size of the screen and the ability to adjust print size, while still having a gadget small enough to fit comfortably in my handbag. When my eyes went loopy last year I was unable to read normal books or newspapers, I struggled to make out the letters even with a magnifier, although I could stll read on screen. I don't know if the improved contrast on this Kindle would be readable if my eyes go wrong again, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take. Yes, I could also read ebooks on a smartphone, but I think I'd find the screen size challenging at the best of times.

Add to that the ease of buying books in a second (which could be dangerous!) and the ability to hold lots of books and documents, including my pdf books and my own writing, in one place. When I go away nowadays I have to travel light, as I find it difficult to carry luggage. I already have a collection of Audible audiobooks, another format now owned by Amazon, which I listen to when my eyes are tired. These can be played on the Kindle, as well as on my mp3 player. Then there is the included browser and free 3G web access. This will no doubt be very limited and basic, but could just be useful when visiting my parents, when I have no internet access.

For me the Kindle could never entirely replace printed books and there's a risk that it won't meet my needs at all. But right now I think that's risk worth taking. And I still have time to cancel the order if I change my mind before the end of this month...