Sometimes something unexpected happens to change the course of the life you had imagined, but you don't understand why. Over the years you slowly rebuild, discovering some pieces of the jigsaw along the way, but there is always one missing and you still don't fully understand. The ensuing self-doubt permeates everything you do, if you let it.
Then, thirty years later, the country is focused on something else and suddenly there is the missing piece. It had been in front of you all the time. You finally understand that the original event was never just about you and you wish you'd realised sooner. You wish you'd reacted differently back then.
But you've also long known that it was probably for the best.
(Yes, I am being deliberately cryptic and today the world is preoccupied with something different, but I'd already drafted this post...)