Friday, December 07, 2007

Introspection

Son 2 got me up at 5.30am. It wasn't entirely his fault - the wind was banging the wheelie bin lids outside and his cough was making him wheezy. I've actually had to give him his asthma inhaler for the first time in about three years. I got it out, only to find it had expired at the end of last month. Tough. I'm sure a few days over won't hurt!

Anyway, I have quite naturally been feeling tired and grumpy. Also introspective...a passing comment made me start thinking about how restricted our lives are and how it is so difficult to explain this to people you don't know well. I'm sure people often must think we are boring or unfriendly, just because we can't take part in social activities which others take for granted.

On the other hand, if you start to explain you are likely to embarrass the other person or, worse still, evoke pity. That for me is the most dreaded, it really upsets me. So I keep quiet and keep my true personality hidden, except with people I know very well and I have become good at disguising how upsetting the social exclusion can be.

Three notable things:

1. A few more Christmas presents have been ordered.

2. The big weekly Tesco shop has been done.

3. I'm still going to try to do my 300 words on the novel tonight. I had no inspiration at all this afternoon. Too tired!

5 comments:

Andrea said...

Hi Cathy
Rest assured you're not alone in this.
I'm sure people think I'm just plain antisocial. Particularly those that have never seen my not-so-little man in full swing. They simply don't believe that he can tear a place and two thirds of the people in it apart in the blink of an eye with no apparent trigger.
But then they haven't been there when we've been escorted out of shopping centres because he got 'very sad' and security were afraid of the damage he could cause. Or when I've had to spend the rest of the day and most of the night calming him down because a dog came and sniffed at his shoe.
I get upset on behalf of my other children that they miss out because of the restrictions he places on us.
It is hard not being able to forge new friendships with ease and sometimes I do feel as if I'm missing out. Fortunately I have a fantastic group of friends from days of old who have known my boy from conception and are happy to accomodate us. But even so there are a lot of invitations that need be turned down or that only one of us can accept while the other stays at home with the boy. To the point where some people forget that we are still a couple!
Enjoy Christmas even if you are doing it on your own.
Andrea

Casdok said...

No you are not alone! I know the feeling well, especailly at this time of year. Actually saying that, basically noone asks me out anymore!

Anne Brooke said...

Actually, there's not much I can say which will be helpful, as I don't have the direct experience obviously that other commenters and you have - but I just wanted to type something to send empathy and hugs. For what they're worth.

A
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Boatwoman said...

Hi Cathy.
I really don't care what other people think of me these days. We are all who we are and should be proud. I realise how upsetting it must be for you though. You are a lovely lady and a fantastic mum. You stay strong girl, we are all here if you need someone to natter to.

Cathy said...

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling much better today. It is funny how something trivial can trigger these thoughts when usually we just get on with it.

Andrea, we haven't chatted for ages. Email me. I recognise everything you wrote about, by the way!

Cx